Astronomy: Blogtown, PDX, Portland Mercury

Meteorocalypse! (Asterocalypse? WHATEVER!) Sweet Video of Meteor Explosions!

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Fri, 15 Feb 2013 09:44:55 -0800

As Denis mentioned in Good Morning News, Russia had some little visitors yesterday—meteorites that exploded over the Urals in Russia, damaging 300 buildings and injuring 900 people (mostly via broken glass). Here's an awesome news report from Russia Today in which the (fairly flippant) Brit host and his not-exactly-a-scientist-but-she's-cute "expert" reporter describe what happened and—here's the important part—show TONS of sweet video. And while I realize these meteorites were definitely trying to kill us, they're still kind of... beautiful? WATCH.

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Watch Video of Two Portland Dudes Shooting a Hot Dog into Space

Sarah Mirk — Tue, 01 Jan 2013 10:56:41 -0800

America! The land where you can achieve your dreams, as long as they're ridiculous ones like sending a hot dog into space.

As detailed in this week's upcoming cover story, the engineers at Portland's Ruckus Composites became the first people to ever shoot a hot dog into space this summer, when they launched an all-beef frank into the stratosphere with a weather balloon.

Read the story when it comes out tomorrow, but for now, just watch the video:

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Hot Victory's Intergalactic New Video

Ned Lannamann — Fri, 26 Oct 2012 11:59:40 -0700

Prepare yourself for a journey through space and time, provided by the new brain-melting video from Hot Victory. Once a duo, then a trio, and now back to the duo of dueling drummers Caitlin Love and Ben Stoller (aww, they even share the hi-hat), Hot Victory makes music for which no words suffice. "Intergalactic electro-prog"? I don't think I can do better than that. Anyway, this track "Procyon," presumably named after the star, is a beat-laden, trigger-synth journey into outer/inner space, and the video (directed by 31knots' Jay Winebrenner) contains lots of hexagons, glowing things, and the benevolent visage of Carl Sagan. It's a trip worth taking.

"Procyon" comes from Hot Victory's latest release, Nexus, which is available for streamin' and buyin' over on Bandcamp. Hot Victory plays at East End on Thursday, November 1 on a bill with Midday Veil, Eternal Tapestry, and Grapefruit.

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Red Bull Stratos Jump - IMPROVED AUDIO

Alex Falcone — Mon, 15 Oct 2012 10:40:33 -0700

If you haven't watched the whole Red Bull Freefall From The Edge Of Space, I highly recommend it. The only problem I had when I was watching it live yesterday was that I couldn't make out what Felix was saying. I ran the audio through a couple filters though, and I think it's much more clear now. Enjoy!

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

I'd Like to Hear Philip Seymour Hoffman's Thoughts About Battlefield Earth

Erik Henriksen — Tue, 19 Jun 2012 11:14:36 -0700

... or at least have him read the audiobook. Following last month's teaser, here's another quick, great ad for Paul Thomas Anderson's The Master—featuring the first glimpse of Philip Seymour Hoffman as ~~L. Ron Hubbard~~ Totally Not L. Ron Hubbard. The only way this casting could be better is if they got Tom Cruise.

Whoa, weird. I just remembered Paul Thomas Anderson totally made a movie with Tom Cruise. I wonder if they're buddies. I hope so! But if they are I suspect The Master might make things just a tiny bit awkward :(

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Oh Shit, It's a Trailer for The Master

Erik Henriksen — Mon, 21 May 2012 13:59:28 -0700

Paul Thomas Anderson's mysterious, Scientology-related new film has a trailer. Take a quick guess: Do you think it looks fucking awesome? SPOILER THE ANSWER IS YES

Via AICN.

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Today in You Are Tiny and Insignificant: Special Valentine's Edition!

Ned Lannamann — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 16:59:26 -0800

This is pretty incredible. Here's a to-scale model of EVERYTHING, from the tiniest particle that exists up to the size of the known universe. You can scroll backward and forward and see it all; there's the scaled size of a human, of a house, of Rhode Island, of Earth, of the Sun, of everything and beyond. I admit I actually got a whoosh of exhilaration by quickly scrolling out. It's awesome, and terrifying, and beyond informative. It definitively proves that you are nothing but a tiny speck in a colossal universe that you have no chance of ever comprehending. Happy Valentine's Day!

Click here to blow your own mind.

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Make Your Own Planetarium at Home with Lost Lander

Ned Lannamann — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 11:14:12 -0800

Here's a video tutorial on how to turn Lost Lander's fine new album DRRT into a homemade planetarium. YouTuber (and very chipper person) Abby Williamson demonstrates exactly how to fold the CD package into a triangular shaped box that, with the aid of a flashlight or phone, can throw celestial patterns onto your darkened walls and ceiling. It's actually quite a neat trick, which perhaps can't quite be captured on a YouTube video in all its glory. There are different star patterns that correspond to different songs, but more importantly, you will never, ever need to look at the night sky again.

(Also, suck it, OMSI.)

The long-awaited DRRT was released yesterday, and is available for purchase (either download or the physical copy with planetarium) at Bandcamp. The band plays a record release show at the Doug Fir on Saturday, February 4. Listen to a track below:

Afraid of Summer by Lost Lander

End Hits: At last, a Blogtown post that I can tag both "Music" and "Astronomy." My life's work is done.

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

From Now On, the Days Get Brighter

Sarah Mirk — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 12:44:54 -0800

Just a reminder that today is the solstice, which means the daylight now grows day by day as our collective despair shrinks.

I woke up in time to see the sunrise from Mount Tabor and want to confirm that there were, actually, a few minutes of sunlight in Portland today before the fog immediately rolled in destroyed all hope.

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Astronomy News Is Not Important Today; RIP Heavy D

Ned Lannamann — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 15:39:06 -0800

Apparently, an asteroid is on a collision course with Earth right now, and everyone here in the Mercury office is like, "Hey, Astronomy Guy, you've got to post something about this because you usually write about astronomyyyy! We're all gonna die! Asteroid! Meteor! Astronomy! Waaaaaaaa!"

I'm sorry. I can't. I'm too sad. I just heard some far more distressing news.

RIP, Heavy D.

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Somebody Get Me a Quantum Locker

Erik Henriksen — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 14:07:44 -0700

I don't even know what it is, even though io9 tried to explain it to me. And I don't care, actually. Somebody just get me one.

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Plumbing the Cracks of the Unknown

Erik Henriksen — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 09:44:02 -0700

No, I don't know why Riann Wilson is wearing Asimov muttonchops and playing some dude named "Xanthony O'Harbinger" and acting all mysterious and shit. All I know is it has something to do with the St. Johns Bridge. And maybe something to do with why "Rainn" is such a goofy name. "Rainn" is a stripper name. Perhaps Mr. Wilson has shed it.

io9 points out that this is probably some annoying viral marketing thing. Which, yeah, probably. I would still watch the hell out of Riddles of the Paranormal, though. I mean, it's on after Webster. And, presumably, is the lead-in to World of the Psychic. Which we should totally watch right now.

Serious question: WHAT IF THE DAD FROM TRANSFORMERS IS RIGHT

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Well, That's Comforting

Ned Lannamann — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 12:27:44 -0700

We're fucked.

A decommissioned NASA satellite is plummeting towards the Earth's surface as we speak, but it seems that it's not entering the atmosphere exactly when the rocket scientists thought it would. From the Washington Post:

Thursday night, the space agency said that the 35-foot-long satellite would probably reenter Friday afternoon or early evening (Eastern time) and that it wouldn’t be over North America at that time.

But this has proved to be a squishy situation with enormous, globe-spanning margins of error.

UARS appeared to be on a trajectory to splash into the desolate South Pacific sometime Friday night, according to a map published by the Aerospace Corp., which uses Air Force tracking data. The map indicated that if the satellite crashed just 20 to 25 minutes later, it would be over North America.

This was a significant change from a previous projection by the same organization, which showed UARS coming in several hours earlier and reentering the atmosphere just off the west coast of South America.

In other words, they don't quite know exactly when or where the six-ton satellite will crash to the ground. Could be later tonight. Could be tomorrow morning. Or, you know, whenevs. Statistically, the chances of a piece of the satellite hitting a human are only "1 in 3,200." For some reason, those aren't confidence-inspiring odds to me.

This news comes on the heels of NASA's publication of their 25-year plan for the future of space exploration, which includes another manned voyage to the moon as well as the possibility of asteroid exploration. Noticeably absent from the plan is what NASA will do in the next 24 or so hours about a six-ton piece of space garbage that is about to collide with Earth.

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Watch the Moon with Your Fancypants On

Ned Lannamann — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 14:56:07 -0700

Looking at the moon from the comfort of your own home not good enough for you? You're in luck, moony: The Portland Japanese Garden is hosting moon-viewing parties this Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday, timed perfectly with 2011's harvest moon on September 12. (The harvest moon is the full moon that falls closest to the autumnal equinox.) Tell us more, Japanese Garden event page:

Moonviewing, or O-Tsukimi, is a traditional Japanese festival which honors the full moon in autumn. On the evenings of September 11, 12, and 13, guests enjoy a quiet evening in the Garden, observe a candle-lit tea ceremony in the Kashintei Tea House and listen to the elegant live music.

This all sounds pretty hifalutin, until you remember that the Japanese Garden is one of the most visually stunning places in the city (no bullshit), and visiting it under the moonlight—the serious moonlight—with a cup of sake in hand should be pretty spectacular. Of course, it ain't cheap, but it's also worth remembering that this is the Japanese Garden's only nighttime event of the year that's open to the general public. You can make reservations here.

Portland Japanese Garden, 611 SW Kingston, Sun Sept 11, Mon Sept 12, Tues Sept 13, 7-9 pm, $25 members/$35 non-members

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Planet Bling

Ned Lannamann — Fri, 02 Sep 2011 11:13:46 -0700

In a week where astronomy news includes the discovery of a new type of rock on the surface of Mars and reported plans for a Domino's on the moon, it's possible that the most important story has fallen by the wayside:

As Reuters reports, a new planet has been discovered very nearby in our galaxy—a mere 4,000 light years away—that is the size of Jupiter and speedily orbits around its tiny star every two and a half hours. Australian astronomers have determined that the planet is likely made of carbon, but is extremely dense, far denser than gaseous Jupiter. And we all know what happens to carbon when it becomes super-dense: it becomes a DIAMOND. In other words, there is a Jupiter-size diamond just hanging out in Earth's vicinity, a planet that is not only valuable in and of itself but no doubt will increase all of the properties in the neighborhood. (Earth, you just got blingier.) You can bet that when the intergalactic war breaks out, this planet will hang in the balance.

Since the diamond planet will no doubt cause centuries of struggle and war by greedy intergalactic profiteers and jewel collectors, let me just take a preemptive strike right now by making this statement, in a public forum: I heretofore claim Planet Neil Diamond II* and all its holdings. These words, stated as such on Blogtown, are legally binding. I do this not for any personal gain, but rather to prevent an otherwise inevitable age of war and famine that will no doubt result from others jockeying for ownership. (It is merely incidental that I subsequently now have sole possession of a Jupiter-sized diamond, and am therefore the richest and most powerful person in the universe. Ahem... ladies?)

* This is its name, deal with it.

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

This Is What the End of the World Will Look Like

Ned Lannamann — Thu, 25 Aug 2011 11:30:45 -0700

This is an animated video that NASA has produced, after recently observing a black hole by the name of Swift J1644+57 devour a giant star in the Draco constellation—the first time such an event has actually been witnessed as it occurs. In other words, when a black hole swallows our galaxy hole (it will happen, someday), this is what it will look like.

Now, I'm no sciencer, nor am I an astronomyist, but from what I can gather by reading NASA's report (via Astronomy magazine's website, which is just like the print version but without all the racy centerfolds), the swallowed star still emits a blast of X-rays even after it has been sucked in and torn apart by the black hole. Then, it disappears. Forever. And ever. Into a mysterious void, the nature of which science has not even begun to approach understanding.

Are you freaked out yet?

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Aliens Will Kill Us, Study Says

Ned Lannamann — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 13:44:36 -0700

A study at Penn State in conjunction with NASA has just been released, outlining the different scenarios that could occur should Earth ever be visited by an alien species. The study, titled "Would contact with extraterrestrials benefit or harm humanity? A scenario analysis" includes the following theory:

Humanity may just now be entering the period in which its rapid civilizational expansion could be detected by an ETI (extraterrestrial intelligence) because our expansion is changing the composition of the Earth's atmosphere, via greenhouse gas emissions. A preemptive strike would be particularly likely in the early phases of our expansion because a civilization may become increasingly difficult to destroy as it continues to expand.

In other words, we're fucking up our planet so much that other species in the universe might take it upon themselves to eliminate us—for the good of the rest of existence. This report has made the rounds (International Business Times wrote at least three articles about it today) but here's the thing: This isn't news. This is the plot of The Day the Earth Stood Still.

Of course it's possible that aliens could destroy us to save the rest of the universe. It's also just as possible they're as equally fucked up as we are, and could come to us for help. Or perhaps they will come to enslave us or have sex with us, or have sex with any of the other species on our planet (duh!), or perhaps just come down and steal our minidonks (again, for sexing) and leave the rest of us alone. Instead of reading this study, you'll probably learn just as much factual information about alien culture as you would scrolling through Blogtown today.

The study also suggests that we shouldn't broadcast any information into space that could be used against us, including our biological makeup. Whoops. I guess it's too late to get back the Voyager Golden Record—now our enemies will be able to defeat us with knowledge of Chuck Berry and how to say hello in Hungarian. Nice going, Carl Sagan.

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

The Full Moon Ruins Everything

Ned Lannamann — Fri, 12 Aug 2011 11:58:21 -0700

It's time again for the peak of the Perseid Meteor Shower, the annual cluster of shooting stars that occurs when Earth falls in the path of debris left behind years ago by the messy Swift-Tuttle comet (way to clean up after yourself, Swift-Tuttle). Tonight marks the absolute peak of the shower, during which you can view up to 60 shooting stars an hour—but you might not get to see much because of the FULL MOON, whose bright, stupid light is gonna make it pretty hard to see the meteors.

Nevertheless, OMSI is hosting a star-watching party for the Perseids (named for the constellation of Harry Hamlin) tonight at both Rooster Rock on the east side, and L.L. "Stub" Steward State Park on the west (full details here). It's $5 per vehicle and gets started at 7:30 pm (when it won't even be close to being dark yet).

If you really have your heart set on seeing a bunch of fucking meteors, though, your best bet might be to wait until a couple hours before dawn tomorrow morning, when the shower will be at its peak and the moon will be low in the sky. Or we could just do what people have wanting for years, and simply blow up the moon. The time is right, people.

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

NASA's Final Shuttle Mission: Amuricaaaa!

Cecilia "the Intern" D'Anastasio — Wed, 06 Jul 2011 15:48:43 -0700

Armed with about a gazillion American flags, a new state-of-the-art pee-recycling machine, and (yes, it's true Apple is taking over the galaxy) an iPhone, the space shuttle Atlantis' mission to the International Space Station—NASA's last shuttle mission ever—will be a ground-shaking, out of this world feat of cosmic prop... OK, I know, yes, but it's just the Mercury, this afternoon, seems to orbiting the Pun. Sigh.

The countdown leading up to NASA's twelve-day mission began yesterday at 10pm PST, eventually culminating in Friday's 8:26 am launch (Pacific time!) at Cape Canaveral. If you feel like waking up to watch, OMSI will be showing the launch, via satellite, starting at 7 am this Friday in its planetarium.

Meanwhile, NASA Administrator Charles Bolden said in a speech last Friday that even though all three of NASA's remaining shuttles are decommissioned and festering in museums, America still somehow wins (cue moar flags):

"Some say that our final shuttle mission will mark the end of America's 50 years of dominance in human spaceflight.... I'm here to tell you that American leadership in space will continue for at least the next half-century because we have laid the foundation for success—and failure is not an option."

While there is some discussion of future landings beyond our humble planet and its moon, such as a mission to Mars or to select asteroids, these plans are tentative and frankly smell of appeasement.

Atlantis' four-person crew is one of the smallest in history. In addition to the typical delivery of supplies, Atlantis will fly the Robotic Refueling Mission (RRM), designed to “demonstrate and test the tools, technologies and techniques needed to robotically refuel satellites in space, even satellites not designed to be serviced," the STS-135 mission summary states. Ought we check the robots for Apple branding?

And don't worry. Our astronauts can still go to space. NASA is shelling out for seats on Russian-operated Soyuz spacecraft, for the nice price of $51 million apiece.

Last, if you're at all interested in the psychology of space travel, check out this super interesting letter, written for the loved ones of the astronauts in the event that the 1969 Apollo moon landing had failed.

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

This Is What it Looks Like When an Asteroid Brushes the Earth

Ned Lannamann — Mon, 27 Jun 2011 12:45:52 -0700

OH MY GOD WATCH:

So... did you catch that?

(You might need to watch it again—this time with speakers ON. You still won't see anything, but man, those sweet, sweet sounds.)

As reported, asteroid 2011 MD—which is about the size of a bus—came within 7,500 miles of the earth's southern hemisphere earlier today. From National Geographic:

About one asteroid around the same size as 2011 MD comes as close to Earth every five to ten years, and one strikes Earth roughly once every 50 years.

"This was not an extraordinary event in the world of close asteroid approaches," [MIT planetary scientist Ben] Weiss said.

In related news, ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

h/t to Greg

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

You Won't Get to See the Longest Lunar Eclipse in 11 Years

Ned Lannamann — Mon, 13 Jun 2011 11:14:29 -0700

On Wednesday, June 15, the moon will magically disappear and then reappear* in what's said to be the longest lunar eclipse in 11 years. From CBS News:

The longest total lunar eclipse since July 2000 will occur on Wednesday (June 15), with skywatchers in Europe, Asia, the Middle East, Africa and Australia in prime position to witness the moon treat.

Well, that's pretty much the entire planet EXCEPT for the Americas, which means you won't get to see jack shit.

For observers in regions where it will be visible, the eclipse could offer an amazing sight: the period of totality will be 100 minutes. In the last 100 years, only three other eclipses have rivaled the duration of totality of this eclipse, according to SPACE.com's skywatching columnist Joe Rao. The last lunar eclipse of similar length occured on July 16, 2000 and lasted 107 minutes.

"The entire event will be seen from the eastern half of Africa, the Middle East, central Asia and western Australia," stated the NASA Eclipse Website of the June 15 event.

Oh, rub it in, why don't you?

There will be another total lunar eclipse on December 10, which will be visible from the western United States. However, it will be December, and there will be enough clouds and rain that, once again, you won't be able to see a damn thing. In other words, thanks for nothing, astronomy.

* this is not actually what happens during an eclipse

via CBS

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

The Planet Saturn Is a Jerk

Ned Lannamann — Fri, 29 Apr 2011 14:14:37 -0700

Want to see some space stuff? Look up, dummy! Right now there are six planets visible in the dawn sky, according to a report on Space.com:

If you get up any morning for the next few weeks, you’ll be treated to the sight of all the planets except Saturn arrayed along the ecliptic, the path of the sun through the sky.

For the last two months, almost all the planets have been hiding behind the sun, but this week they all emerge and are arrayed in a grand line above the rising sun. Mercury, Venus, Mars, and Jupiter are visible, and you can add Uranus and Neptune to your count if you have binoculars or a small telescope.

So, uh... what the fuck, Saturn? Too good to join our little sky party? (You'll also notice Pluto's not invited because—well, we all know what Pluto did. Let us never speak of it again.)

Over the next couple mornings, take a look eastward. Venus will be the brightest, Jupiter the second brightest. To help you get oriented tomorrow morning, the moon will be right above Venus, and on Sunday it will be hovering above Jupiter and Mars. In related news, the old mnemonic to help you remember the order of the planets, My Very Elegant Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas, has been permanently changed to My Very Elegant Mother Just Upchucked Noisily.

Suck it, Saturn.

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Sweden Attempts to Recreate the Solar System, Fails Miserably

Ned Lannamann — Thu, 17 Feb 2011 15:14:05 -0800

It has been brought to my attention that the country of Sweden has attempted to create a scale replica of our solar system within its borders. They've got the sun represented by the Ericsson Globe (pictured above) in Stockholm, with the planet of Mercury—a 25-centimeter bronze sphere—located 2900 meters away (whatever a meter is), Venus a little further out, Earth, Mars, and so on.

VERY CLEVER, SWEDEN. However, I call shenanigans.

To wit, a few problems:

1. You have included Pluto in your little science fair project, represented by a 12 cm ball located in far northern Sweden near the Dellen Lakes. I don't know if you REMEMBER, Sweden, but the rest of the world all decided that Pluto is no longer a planet. So, NOPE.

2. You have included replicas of some other supposed celestial bodies in this model, bearing names like Sedna, Ixion, and Eris. COME ON, Sweden, you clearly made these planets up. No one has EVER heard of these things before. And the inclusion of an asteroid called "Saltis"? Baloney.

3. News flash, Sweden! While you decided to include a bunch of made-up planets, you neglected to include Tyche—the newest member of our solar system, a gigantic planet four times the size of Jupiter. What's more, if Tyche was to be included in your dopey little planet parade, it would have to be located 114,000 kilometers away from your fake sun. That's well outside the borders of your country, Sweden. So suck it.

4. Take a good, long look at the picture above, at your so-called "model" of the sun. Notice anything, Sweden? That's right: Unlike the actual sun, it is NOT ON FIRE.

4. Also, Sweden, I don't know if you are aware of this, but all the planets ROTATE. Your fake little planets just sit there not moving. NICE TRY.

In summation: Sweden? BUSTED.

via

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

The Existence of Bill O'Reilly Proves There is No God

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Wed, 02 Feb 2011 14:13:38 -0800

In one of his low rent "backstage conversations," Bill O'Reilly tries to outwit the Atheists with one simple question: "If there is no God, then how did the moon get there, PINHEADS?" (Yes, he actually ends the question with "pinheads.") His logic: If Mars doesn't have a moon, then why do we have a moon? My two-part answer: 1) We have a moon, because we're AWESOME, and 2) Mars actually has two moons—so I think that pokes a small hole in his argument. Waitasecond, if there is a God, then why did He give Mars two moons, and only gave us one?!? THAT'S BULLSHIT!! And why did he create Bill O'Reilly, who has his own television show, but doesn't know shit about moons? Dude. If you exist? EFF YOU, GOD!!

Hat tips to Wonkette.

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Today in WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN THE ZODIAC'S ALL DIFFERENT NOW?!?

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Thu, 13 Jan 2011 14:58:22 -0800

Okay, first they said Pluto wasn't a planet. Whatever, like I give a shit. But now they're saying I'M NOT A GEMINI ANYMORE?? From the Washington Post:

Star signs were created by ancient Babylonians some 2,000 years ago by tracking where the sun was in the sky each month. However, the moon's gravitational pull has slowly moved the Earth in its axis, creating about a one-month bump in the stars' alignment, reports the Minnesota Star Tribune. Now, during what we think as the month of Pisces, the sun is actually in the sign of Aries.

And if you're wondering what you are now, here's the adjusted list:

Capricorn: Jan. 20-Feb. 16
Aquarius: Feb. 16-March 11
Pisces: March 11-April 18
Aries: April 18-May 13
Taurus: May 13-June 21
Gemini: June 21-July 20
Cancer: July 20-Aug. 10
Leo: Aug. 10-Sept. 16
Virgo: Sept. 16-Oct. 30
Libra: Oct. 30-Nov. 23
Scorpio: Nov. 23-Dec. 17
Sagittarius: Dec. 17-Jan. 20

Oh HELL TO THE NO! There's NO freaking WAY I'm switching over to Taurus! (What's Taurus like, anyway?)

Taurus, the second sign of the zodiac, is all about reward. Unlike the Aries love of the game, Taurus loves the rewards of the game. Think physical pleasures and material goods, for those born under this sign revel in delicious excess. They are also a tactile lot, enjoying a tender, even sensual, touch. Taurus adores comfort and likes being surrounded by pleasing, soothing things. Along these lines, they also favor a good meal and a fine wine. The good life in all its guises, whether it's the arts or art of their own making (yes, these folks are artistic as well), is heaven on Earth to the Taurus-born.

Oh, well that's different then. And Taurus is also represented by the Schlitz Malt Liquor Bull, and I'm all over that! Sooooo.... HELLO, MY NAME IS HUMPY... AND I'M A TAURUS.

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]