Time for a lightning-quick ticket giveaway, folks. Want to see Fists of the White Lotus at the Hollywood Theatre tonight at 9:45? Grindhouse Film Fest organizer Dan Halsted says you do:

Gordon Liu is out to avenge the destruction of the Shaolin Temple! But oh shit, he's up against an incarnation of the greatest villain in martial arts movie history: the unstoppable white eyebrowed Pai Mei (Gordon Liu played another incarnation of Pai Mei in Kill Bill). Lo Lieh plays the villain here, and he's at his shit-talking, beard-stroking, kung fu annihilating best. He'll even fight while he's naked. But watch out for his kung fu crotch! The opening credit sequence alone is worth the price of admission, and the fight scenes are choreographed by kung fu master Lau Kar Leung (director of 36th Chamber of Shaolin).

As Winson Wolf would say, time is of the essence—so if you want the two tickets to White Lotus that're sitting on my desk, email me no later than noon today and make sure your subject line is "acupuncture kung fu." I'll pick a winner at random before I grab lunch and email them to let 'em know how to pick up their tickets. (Note: If you'll win, you'll need to be able to swing by the Mercury offices [605 NE 21st] no later than 5:30 pm today.)

Have at!

More or less ever since the Mercury started, we've been occasionally covering DVDs in the Film section and on the blog—be they new releases, notable TV seasons, curiosities, whatever. When worthwhile DVD releases happen, we like to let you guys know about 'em and—as we do with most theatrically released films—insist on giving you our unasked-for opinion about whether they're worth your time and money.

So here's a question: With DVD making a slow but certain exit from the home entertainment market, and more and more high-profile films being released with better picture quality and better special features on Blu-ray, is it time for the Mercury to shift from exclusively covering DVDs to covering Blu-rays as well?

I ask this for two reasons: 1) To gauge where the Mercury's readership is at w/r/t Blu-ray adoption, and to see if we'd be helping or annoying you guys if we started covering Blu-ray releases and Blu-ray-exclusive special features. 2) To possibly justify my desire to finally suck it up and buy a Blu-ray player. (A desire that may or may not have something to do with a certain sci-fi film coming out on Blu-ray and DVD tomorrow that might have something to do with Enterprises and Romulans and warp drives, and that would probably definitely look balls-out awesome in HD.) Anyway:

The Mercury's Blu-ray vs. DVD Questionnaire!

Thank you and good day.

As he explained the plot, I became more and more incredulous: Scientists working on a high tech cloud seeding experiment screw things up immensely when they create super tornados that shoot ice shards and freeze everything around them the instant they touch down. The same scientists must then scramble as the storms sweep across Oregon threatening to destroy downtown Portland.

What could be more frightening than a sharding tornado? What fate more grisly than being sharded to death?

As my friend went on to describe how the storms had been super-imposed on stock footage of the Portland skyline, and how, according to the films Doppler-radar sequences, the sharding tornados had most likely destroyed North Portland, the Woodburn Outlet Mall, and Salem, it became clear that I had to learn more about the film. Not such an easy task.

On-line video of the masterpiece is non-existent. All of Syfy’s promos for the film have been taken down. There is precious little information aside from these few clues:

A movie poster:

And a blog-post from an actresses who worked as “One of six leads in the TV movie Ice Twisters.” She explains her role thusly:

I was Ashley, one of a duo of college students on a class journalism project. My dream was to be a reporter! My current step in that direction was to ace this project. However, due to some unexpected circumstances, that might not happen. I'm 'by the book', think inside the box, and easily irritated by things I can't control, including my classmate Eric (Kaj-Erik Eriksen) who was about the exact opposite of me.

Six leads? Huh. Yet strangely, none of the other actors have blogged about their work on the film.

Maybe I'm still riding my "inane spectacle" high from 2012, but, um, SHIT YES. Fuckin' A. HD here.

P.S. "Titans will clash" is officially the laziest tagline ever.
P.P.S. If they were insistent on using "titan" in the tagline, they could have at least used "Well, at least it'll be better than Titan A.E."
P.P.P.S. Or they could have just said "Liam Neeson is Zeus. THE FUCK ELSE DO YOU NEED."
P.P.P.S. Okay, fine, I kind of liked Titan A.E.

HOLY CRAP IT'S CAMERON FROM FERRIS BUELLER! AT PIONEER SQUARE! NOT WEARING A RED WINGS JERSEY! HAN SOLO SHOUTING "I ALREADY WORK AROUND THE CLOCK!!!" AND "NOBODY IS GONNA TELL ME HOW TO RUN MY LAB!!!" AND C'OR BLIMEY, 'TIS OL' LIMEY BRITBOTTOM FROM MAD MEN!!!

In related news, this trailer is fucking awful.

Cue the "Why can't they ever film a good movie in Portland?" whining. Via FilmDrunk.

Welcome to "Movies You Might Have Forgotten Even Existed, But Are Nevertheless Awesome," an irregularly recurring Blogtown feature that will continue until whenever I get bored of it. Have a film you'd like to suggest for a future MYMHFEE,BANA? Leave it in the comments.

This installment's featured film: 2003's The Rundown! Originally bearing the far-cooler titles Helldorado and Welcome to the Jungle, The Rundown is directed by Peter Berg (Friday Night Lights, The Kingdom), written by R.J. Stewart (Xena: Warrior Princess, Cleopatra 2525), and features The Rock, Seann William Scott, Rosario Dawson, Christopher Walken, and a blink-and-you'll-miss-it cameo from Arnold Motherfucking Schwarzenegger. It also features a scene in which a baboon humps The Rock's face.

That's a lot of cows indeed, Christopher Walken! Now, I cannot be certain of this—the film is, after all, a mere six years old—but I am fairly confident when I suggest The Rundown's genius will be recognized by future generations, and that, one day, this film will be acknowledged as one of the finest motion pictures ever made.

One of my favorite kung fu flicks, 1978's 7 Grandmasters, screens Tuesday at 7:45 at the Hollywood Theatre (4122 NE Sandy). Dan Halsted from the Grindhouse Film Festival sums it up nicely:

A kung fu teacher sets out to prove that he is the greatest fighter by finding and defeating the 7 Grandmasters. One by one, he fights their wide variety of animal styles (tiger, leopard, mantis, monkey, etc.) He also puts a young student through elaborate training, and is followed by a mysterious kung fu villain in a weird hat. Featuring all the best old school sound effects, fighting styles, martial arts weapons, and silver haired villains with maniacal laughter (plus the best monkey-style kung fu fight ever put on film).

Want two free tickets? Sure you do. You know the drill: Email me no later than 2 pm on Monday, November 9, and make sure the subject line of your email is "Pai Mei." On Monday at 2, I'll pick a winner at random* and email them to let 'em know how to pick up their tickets. Have at!

*Flattery, as always, helps.

Here’s the festival trailer, which on the one hand is not very informative, but on the other hand is an endearing short in itself. Respect the owl!

I wrote a little preview for this nine-day inundation of regional film, but I couldn’t squeeze in everything. Things got lost, but I share my over-word-count hit and miss picks after the jump. Or, skip my editorial and go straight for the information overload.

Heads up, film geeks: Tomorrow and Saturday, the University of Oregon kicks off their "What is Film? Change & Continuity in the 21st Century" conference, held in the White Stag building (70 NW Couch). The conferences serves a dual purpose: First, discussing the current status of film (especially with regards to how digital media is changing the medium), and second, publicizing the U of O's brand-spankin'-new new Cinema Studies major.

Judging by the conference's program, there's gonna be a lot of focus on "the digital age," with seminars like "Independent Film and Other Media in the Digital Age," "Write Now!: Screenwriting in the Digital Age," "Changes in Film Distribution and Exhibition," and "Government/Film Industry Relationships in the Digital Age," the latter of which will feature representatives from the Governor’s Office for Film and Video and the Portland Mayor’s Office. Notable speakers at the conference include animator Will Vinton (of the now-defunct Will Vinton Studios), and writer and producer Bryce Zabel (who, quite frankly, has an astounding resumé: He's worked on M.A.N.T.I.S., Mortal Kombat: Annihilation, and Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman).

Anyway, the whole shebang is only $10 if you're a U of O student and $20 if not; if you're interested, more info is here.

Fox has apparently come up with only two ways to market Avatar:

1) Just in case you forgot this fact sometime in the past decade or so, James Cameron is a visionary genius and you owe it to yourself to experience his latest epic creation, even if it does look kinda like Dances with Smurfs or Ferngully: The Last Rainforest, Now with More Explosions;

2) Hey, America! You like baseball, right? Who doesn't! Well, if you like baseball, then you'll love Avatar! Sure, it's a movie about blue aliens—but don't let that dissuade you! Please! It's just like the World Series! But in space! Please go see Avatar. No, really: Please. We didn't understand what we were doing when we greenlit this thing. Please go see it. Um, it's just like baseball! Look! That fat kid's standing up and clapping! He loves it! Just like you will!

Christ. I'm genuinely excited for and curious about Avatar, but even I've gotta admit that what should feel like a cinematic event is instead gonna have a long, uphill climb just to get past its bungled marketing campaign.

Granted, Hollywood's never had to sell a movie quite like this (it's an enormously expensive film that was built for a 3-D infrastructure that's not yet in place, and it's a blockbuster that's reliant upon weird, psychedelic imagery that until now has only been used in pulp genre stories and comics), but goddamn, there's gotta be a better way to sell this thing than either Cameron hero-worship or clumsily mashing up movie clips and World Series footage. (I will say, however, that it'd be great if at the end of every preview for every movie, we saw that fat kid standing up and halfheartedly clapping.)

Tonight and tomorrow night, the 99W Drive-In (3000 Portland Road, Newberg) is hosting a truly fantastic double feature: Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs and Zombieland. First feature starts at dusk, second feature follows. Stock up on some Twinkies beforehand and enjoy.

Hot damn! The 1978 Shaw Brothers flick Invincible Shaolin screens next week! Dan Halsted of the Grindhouse Film Festival sums it up:

The Venom Mob star as a group of fighters who are pitted against each other in a North Shaolin vs. South Shaolin kung fu showdown! Three South Shaolin students start intensive (and extremely strange) training to master various fighting styles and martial arts weapons. Funky style and huge sideburns reign supreme, colliding with director Chang Cheh's trademark violence and homo-eroticism. This movie also features some of the best training sequences in martial arts movie history.

Wanna go? Of course you do. Wanna go for free? Of course you do.

You know the drill: Email me no later than 4 pm today (Friday October 30), and make sure your email's subject line is "Venom." Shortly after 4 pm, I'll pick a winner at random* and email 'em back to let them know how to pick up their tickets. HAVE AT.

Invincible Shaolin screens Tuesday, November 3, at 7:45 pm at the Hollywood Theatre (4122 NE Sandy).

*Flattery helps.

So I have a vague suspicion that those selling this film are trying to make it look just a teensy bit epic. This trailer is about as subtle as shouting "HOLY SHIT NEW JAMES CAMERON IT'S SO INSANE IT'S GONNA MAKE YOUR DICK EXPLODE ARE YOU READY HELL YES YOU'RE READY!!! PANDORAAAAAAAAH!!!!" (Which is a good thing, as far as I can tell; so far, the marketing department at Fox hasn't seemed to know what he hell to do with Avatar, but at least now they're trying to convey the sense that it's a Big Deal.)

Via AICN. (A site which also inspired the look of the Film section in this week's Halloween dress-up issue.)

If you missed Tell Them Anything You Want—the extraordinary documentary about Where the Wild Things Are creator Maurice Sendak—when it first aired on HBO, you've got one more chance: It airs again tomorrow, Friday October 30, at 8 am on HBO2. Set your Tivo, have breakfast at the house of your one friend who has fancy-pants cable, do whatever—just figure out a way to watch it.

I blathered on a little while ago about how amazing the film is, but don't take my word for it—a few weeks ago, Tell Them Anything made the shortlist for the Oscars, and hopefully it'll compete in March under the category of Best Documentary Short. Directed by Portlander Lance Bangs and some guy you might've heard of named Spike Jonze, Tell Them Anything is only 40 minutes long, but it's one of the best films I've seen in long while. So: Watch it. Tomorrow morning. HBO2. 8 am. That is all.

Following Funny People—in which he played a sell-out comedian who stars in movies like Merman, My Best Friend Is a Robot, and Re-Do—Adam Sandler's next movie will be Jack and Jill, in which he'll play not only Jack, but also (wait for it...) Jill. Variety manages to keep a straight face about this news, but FilmDrunk puts it best:

You can say Funny People was overlong and self-indulgent, it was still the best thing Adam Sandler’s done in 10 years. It was honest, he was actually trying, and he made you remember, oh yeah, this guy’s actually really funny. And how did we reward him? With his first box office flop, pretty much ever. So now we get Adam Sandler playing Jack and Jill in a script from the writer of Paul Blart Mall Cop.

Goddammit.

Congratulations to the adorable Portland lesbians whose Cyclust took First-Runner Up in the Sexiest category. (Personally, I thought your video was sexier than those Saran-wrapped lesbians from Seattle—and I hafta say I was a little impressed. Ladd's Addition has gotten me lost, but it's never gotten me laid!)

Nowhere Boy is a film based on the life of John Lennon—I heard it ends well—focusing on his pre-Beatles days, and is based on the book, Imagine This: Growing Up With My Brother John Lennon. The film deals with Lennon's turbulent childhood years and his relationship with his mother. I wonder if those issues were ever resolved? Oh, guess not.

Of course, there is no shortage of Beatles flicks, and 1994's Backbeat already focused on the band's Hamburg days, albeit through the eyes of Stuart Sutcliffe (he's like a dead Pete Best!). Also, it's curious how Nowhere Boy features zero music from Lennon or the Beatles in the trailer. Granted, he wasn't exactly writing Sgt. Pepper as a teenager, but I can't imagine how poor this film will come across without their music in it. It's supposed to open over Christmas in the UK, no word on a domestic opening date.

End Hits: We want a Billy Preston movie.

The next entry in the Old School Kung Fu Masters series, Fatal Flying Guillotine, screens at 9:45 on Tuesday, October 27, at the Hollywood Theatre. The pitch, via festival organizer Dan Halsted:

Following the Shaw Brothers' Flying Guillotine film, and Jimmy Wang Yu's classic Master of the Flying Guillotine, came this lower budget batshit-crazy production. A young student is out for revenge for his mother's death, while a group of Shaolin monks search for a kung fu book. All roads lead to an old evil master who fights with dual motorized flying guillotines, beheading anyone who challenges him. This movie seems to have been written in some sort of drug fueled haze, and gets crazier by the minute. Protect your neck!

Dan was kind enough to donate two tickets to the screening for a Blogtown giveaway, and here's how you can win 'em: Email me no later than 1 pm tomorrow (Friday, October 23), and make sure your subject line is "Age of Consent." (Bonus points for anyone who guesses how I arrived at that phrase from Fatal Flying Guillotine.) Shortly after 1 pm on Friday, I'll email the winner to tell 'em how to pick up their tickets.

Sound good? Good. Go.

Hit MOD for details and an update on which Portland designers and retailers are going to be a part of this, er, "fashion show."

• Photograph by Martin Schoeller, via the New Yorker.

This is how the New Yorker's "Man of Extremes: The Return of James Cameron" begins:

The director James Cameron is six feet two and fair, with paper-white hair and turbid blue-green eyes. He is a screamer—righteous, withering, aggrieved. “Do you want Paul Verhoeven to finish this motherfucker?” he shouted, an inch from Arnold Schwarzenegger’s face, after the actor went AWOL from the set of True Lies, a James Bond spoof that Cameron was shooting in Washington, D.C. (Schwarzenegger had been giving the other actors a tour of the Capitol.) Cameron has mastered every job on set, and has even been known to grab a brush out of a makeup artist’s hand. “I always do makeup touch-ups myself, especially for blood, wounds, and dirt,” he says. “It saves so much time.” His evaluations of others’ abilities are colorful riddles. “Hiring you is like firing two good men,” he says, or “Watching him light is like watching two monkeys fuck a football.” A small, loyal band of cast and crew works with him repeatedly; they call the dark side of his personality Mij—Jim backward.

Holy shit. Dana Goodyear's piece is a fascinating profile of Cameron, and it's loaded with insane details about the making of Avatar. ("This film integrates my life's achievements," Cameron says at one point. "It's the most complicated stuff anyone's ever done.") If you have any interest in popular cinema, read the whole thing ASAP.

(If this was filmed in Portland, the movie would be about a super-powered bike. Sigh.)

For those keeping track at home, this is Jonze's second video for West, the first being the gorgeous/creepy "Flashing Lights."