Sports: Blogtown, PDX, Portland Mercury

Spider-Man Has an Okay Jump Shot

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Fri, 24 May 2013 13:29:00 -0700

We may not be fans the Amazing Spider-Man reboot franchise, but here's star Andrew Garfield being a good guy by playing basketball with some local kids DRESSED IN HIS SPIDER-MAN COSTUME. (He's apparently taking a break from the set of the Amazing Spider-Man sequel.) Kudos to Garfield for not hopping up on top of the rim and slamming the ball into the hoop, or webbing the kids into a coccoon, hanging them from a streetlight, and leaving a note for cops that reads, "Prosecute these drug dealers! Signed, your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man."

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Jose Canseco Probably Shouldn't Be Allowed on Twitter

Paul Constant — Wed, 22 May 2013 14:14:42 -0700

Jose Canseco, who has been accused by both of his ex-wives of domestic violence in the past, was approached by police officers in Las Vegas as part of a rape investigation, according to Canseco's Twitter feed. How did Canseco respond? By tweeting the name of the woman Canseco says has accused him of rape, along with what he claimed to be a photo of her and her phone number. The tweets—there were two clusters of them—have since been deleted, but BuzzFeed has screen captures of them (with the name and personal information redacted).

Now, people are calling for Canseco to be kicked off of Twitter for posting the personal information of a woman whom he believes has accused him of rape. I used to follow Canseco on Twitter because he was kind of funny, but his propensity to angrily publish the personal information of whatever woman he's obsessing over—and he's done this on multiple occasions—was way too creepy for my tastes.

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Roller Derby Weekend: Portland vs. Melbourne, High Rollers vs. Guns N Rollers

Courtney Ferguson — Thu, 16 May 2013 13:59:27 -0700

Buckle up your party pants, it's time for another weekend of roller derby. Tomorrow's sold-out game pits the all-star Wheels of Justice from Portland's Rose City Rollers league against AUSTRALIA! Well, Melbourne's Victorian Roller Derby to be a bit more specific. I have so many questions about this game—like will the Aussies be going on about barbies and Crocodile Dundee? What are their thoughts on vegemite sandwiches? Do they know Hugh Jackman? And most importantly, will they beat our gals in purple?! The Wheels of Justice are smarting after an unexpected upset to LA's Angel City last month. That was a right-good bummer. But I have to imagine they'll be really hungry for a win after that defeat. So welcome the down-under crew and watch the live stream if you didn't get your tickets! Portland vs. Melbourne, Fri May 17, The Hangar at Oaks Park, 7 pm, watch the live stream here

Saturday it's the High Rollers vs. the rock 'n' rolling Guns N Rollers in a home-team-honey showdown. This is the last bout before Championships at the Rose Garden (!) on June 8. Both teams are undefeated this season, but they've yet to go head-to-head until tonight. One thing is certain, they'll be duking it out for a second time at Championships come June, because it looks like they're the two teams on the top of the roller-derby pile. Who will be queens of the mountain? It's been a mere three years since the High Rollers held the championship trophy, and GNR has NEVER had their horn-throwing hands on it. Guess who wants that coveted trophy real bad?! Yeps, it should be fun. Guns N Rollers vs. High Rollers, Sat May 18, The Hangar at Oaks Park, 7 pm, $14-20, tix

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Brave CBS Reporter Speaks Up for Underprivileged Older Christian White Men

Paul Constant — Tue, 30 Apr 2013 13:44:41 -0700

I was so swept up in this idiot yesterday that I totally missed CBS reporter Tim Brando explaining why he doesn't think Jason Collins is a hero:

Yes! Finally, after over 200 years as a nation, won't somebody speak up for the poor, embattled straight Christian white men? Thank God this brave sports reporter has spoken up for the oppressed, voiceless white dude. What a hero he is.

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Roller Derby Recap: Heartless Heathers vs. Break Neck Betties, Portland vs. Salt Lake City

Joe Streckert — Fri, 26 Apr 2013 13:29:39 -0700

The fantastic Heartless Heathers vs. Break Neck Betties bout.

This past Friday night featured some downright amazing roller derby from the Heartless Heathers and the Break Neck Betties, and on Saturday the Rose City Rollers' Axles of Annihilation hosted the Wasatch Bonecrushers from Salt Lake City. While Sunday saw Portland's Wheels of Justice taking on Wasatch's Midnight Terror.

Details after the jump.

On Friday evening the reigning champions, the Break Neck Betties, took on the Heartless Heathers in a bout that had pretty much everything. The Heathers got an early jumpstart, coming out of the gate with a 23-5 lead in the first jam. For a good while the Heathers had the lead, and it looked like the undead underdogs were going to just float above the champions for most of the bout. The Betties, though, methodically chipped away at the Heathers’ lead, and eventually Licker ‘N Split was able to put her team on top, 58-64. Everything after that was a struggle. The Heathers managed to tie it up 77-77 at one point, but the Betties fought back, and ended the first half with a lead of 83-95. At the start of the second half the Heathers responded with a series of jams (most notably led by the Blast Unicorn) that left them up 117-105.

Are you ready for more lead changes? BECAUSE THERE WERE MORE LEAD CHANGES.

Immediately after that was a set of tight, evenly matched jams—the two teams traded points back and forth, and the Betties were soon able to get a one-point lead of 135-136. Blast Unicorn responded by putting the Heathers on top 140-138, and the Betties immediately flew in after that with a more substantial lead of 140-157. Blast Unicorn, taking advantage of penalties, spearheaded a huge, lead-changing power jam, and at the end of that the Heathers led 178-166, and this is the point where I wrote “holy shit this is close” in my notes. The Heathers clung onto that lead for the rest of the game, defeating the champs 212-185. The crowd, by that point, was on their feet. And rightly so—it was everything you could want from a sporting event. FINAL: Heartless Heathers 212, Break Neck Betties 185.

Saturday’s bout, though, was not nearly as dramatic. The Axles of Annihilation (Rose City’s travel B team) took on the visiting Wasatch Bonecrushers from Salt Lake City and, well, crushed them. The opening jam from Slay Miserables put the Axles up 23-0, and that pretty much set the tone for the evening. The Axles were just plain faster than the Utah visitors, and by the end of the first half they led with a comfortable 129-49. I’ll admit, I started rooting for the visitors at that point, all in the name of making things more exciting. Wasatch seemed to come together more in the second half, but it was too late. At the end of it all, the Axles won. FINAL: Axles of Annihilation 263, Wasatch Bonecrushers 101.

Stray observation: Whoever made the “I [heart] official timeouts” poster, carry on. The world needs heroes like you.

Hi guys, it's me, Courtney. Joe handed the roller-derby baton to me for Sunday's early-morning battle between the Wheels of Justice (Rose City Rollers' all-star mega team) and Salt Lake City's Wasatch Roller Derby's all-stars Midnight Terror. Did I mention it was early?! It was. So anyway... Made up of many of the skaters from Saturday's game, it didn't seem likely that Salt Lake was going to snatch a victory from the Wheels of Justice if they couldn't beat Rose City's B-team. And true that: The final score was Wheels of Justice 282, Wasatch's Midnight Terror 122. Wasatch was within striking distance at halftime, down by only 78 points after a score-filled power jam by Wasatch's Moonraker. But late in the second half saw a humongoid power jam by Portland's Scald Eagle (40 points, whoa Nellie!), that cemented Midnight Terror's fate. Not exactly a knuckle-biter, there was some beautiful play by Wasatch, with awesome jammers Moonraker, Skull Candi, and former Rose City sweetheart Squid Vicious, not to mention monster blocking from Colonel Skirts. But them Wheels of Justice gals are hard to beat.

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Roller Derby Weekend: Betties vs. Heathers, Portland vs. Salt Lake City

Courtney Ferguson — Thu, 18 Apr 2013 14:43:17 -0700

This highlights promo from the April 6 Wheels of Justice vs. Bay Area Derby Girls bout pretty much nails why flat-track derby rocks.

Hi y'all, there's another roller derby weekend on the horizon. I'm all sideways with awesome events to attend to this weekend (I'm looking at you Bridgetown Comedy Fest and opening match of the pro women's soccer team the Portland Thorns), but it's a happy problem. Hope you got tickets to watch tomorrow's Rose City Rollers home team match-up between the Break Neck Betties and the Heartless Heathers, 'cuz that shit is sold out. There's only one more home team game before the big Season 8 championships on June 8 at the Rose Garden. Betties vs. Heathers, The Hangar at Oaks Park, Fri April 19, 8 pm

Then we get into the all-star action with Saturday and Sunday's bouts with Salt Lake City. Those roller gals from less-boozy climes are serious up-and-comers in the roller derby world. They looked fantastic at 2012 Western Region Playoffs and they have a former Rose City star on their roster (the furiously tentacled Squid Vicious), so expect some great play out of the visiting Wasatch Roller Derby team. Saturday is the face-off with Rose City's B-team, Axles of Annihilation, girding their loins (what? I'm super mature) against the Wasatch all-star travel team, the Midnight Terror. Then just for funnsies on a Sunday morning (oof, at 10 am, that Saturday-night afterparty is going to be a Sunday-morning ouchie), watch Portland's mega all-star team, Wheels of Justice, do a little roller derby dance with the same Wasatch team. Good times. Good times. Then tune back into Blogtown next week for a tidy recap—we like things tidy in these parts.
Rose City's Axles of Annihilation vs. Salt Lake City's Wasatch Roller Derby, The Hangar at Oaks Park, Sat April 20, 7 pm, $14-20, tix

Rose City's Wheels of Justice vs. Wasatch, The Hangar, Sun April 21, 10 am (GET THERE EARLY—there's another big event at Oaks Park that morning), 10 am, $5, tix

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Bob Desper Is in an NFL Draft Ad

Ned Lannamann — Tue, 16 Apr 2013 10:29:10 -0700

File this one under: weird but good.

Here's the NFL Network's commercial for the 2013 NFL Draft, which will take place later this month (April 25-27), and it focuses on the emotions of the players and their families. But what's that eerie, evocative, uplifting music playing underneath? That's "Dry Up Those Tears," the 1972 single from blind Oregon guitarist/songwriter Bob Desper.

That single, and Desper's '74 album New Sounds, were reissued in recent years, bringing Desper back into public view after years of only making music for himself and his church. I wrote a review for New Sounds here, and did an interview with Desper here, and also, here's a few words about the amazing, truly amazing show he did at the Woods in June 2010, with Dolorean's Al James and Jon Neufeld backing him up.

While Desper's profile has certainly been raised in recent years, seeing him soundtrack a commercial is pretty unusual, but maybe not all that surprising: Al James works at Mutt Industries, which created the ad for the NFL Network. You can here all of "Dry Up Those Tears" (really a great song) by going here.

Thanks to Paul Montone for the tip.

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Timbers 1, Earthquakes 0, Saab owner -1

Dirk VanderHart — Mon, 15 Apr 2013 11:12:00 -0700

San Jose Earthquake fans don't yet have a legitimate stadium of their own to trash, so they've apparently taking to messing things up around here.

The Portland Police Bureau is looking for a contingent of Earthquake fans who—while headed to watch their team's defeat yesterday—decided to make a brief pit stop to wreck a Saab.

According to a news release, a 40-year-old Lake Oswegoan named James Decker was en route to yesterday's game in that Saab. But he either forgot or wasn't privy to what is apparently a rule: You don't taunt Earthquake fans on game day.

While waiting at a stop light on West Burnside, Decker spotted a group of rival fans headed to the game. Most of them had their faces obscured ominously by scarves. Decker taunted them anyway, telling police he "held up his Timbers scarf and yelled to the group," the release says.

A woman from the group ran over to try and snatch the scarf and, when Decker attempted to drive off, was knocked over.

From the release: "Decker told police that a group of 10 to 12 males then ran over to his car and jumped on the hood and smashed the windshield. Decker told police that one male punched him through the open car window. Decker told police that someone opened the passenger side door of his car and punched him also."

Police are asking for information on the suspect—the woman who rushed Decker is described as "Hispanic female in her 20s, 5'6" tall, heavy build"—and would love to see any pictures you might have taken.

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Roller Derby Recap: Break Neck Betties vs. Grave Danger, Wheels of Justice vs. Bay Area All-Stars

Joe Streckert — Thu, 11 Apr 2013 12:44:00 -0700

The Rose City Rollers hosted both San Francisco and Seattle this past weekend. The Break Neck Betties, Portland’s reigning home team champions, took on Rat City’s Grave Danger, and Rose City’s travel team, the Wheels of Justice, faced off against the Bay Area All Stars. It was on opportunity for Rose City to exhibit their skills to our West Coast-ian neighbors, to welcome them to our fair city, to fete them hospitably, and then to destroy them without mercy. It mostly worked out.

More after the jump.

Friday’s bout was heavy on the penalties, the hits, and the power jams. For the most part, Portland’s Break Neck Betties were able to put up a series of consistent, solid jams in the face of their opposition, gradually ticking up the score. Occasionally Seattle was able to take advantage of penalties and sneak in with a power jam, usually ratcheting up several points in the process, making the game a race between consistent base hits and huge home runs (to use a sports metaphor to describe a sport thing). By the end of the first half the bout was nearly tied, with the Betties hanging onto a slim 113-111 lead. Rat City hit back in the second half, taking a quick lead early on. For the rest of the game, the lead shuttlecocked back and forth between the two teams, most notably in a weird double power jam situation (both jammers were in the box for part of it) that left the Betties with a 179-178 lead, and mere minutes to go.

By the time the final jam came around the score was a dead-even 205-205. Nails were bitten. Seats were occupied in an edge-only fashion. Win the jam, win the game. The Betties’ Licker ‘N Split, amid roars and cheers, soon grabbed lead jammer status, scored two points, and ended the game. The crowd, as they say, went wild. The officials weren’t done, though. Conferring in the middle of the floor, the refs adjusted the final score for penalties and ruled the official final as 207-199, Betties. Despite Portland’s team still taking it, the zebras managed to suck a little bit of the air out of the room, deflating the last-minute drama with the official adjustments.

Saturday’s bout was an opportunity for vengeance. Last year the Rose City Rollers had their dreams of regional championships crushed beneath the wheels of the Bay Area Derby Girls. This weekend’s bout didn't have championship hopes on the line per se, but the sweet smell of potential revenge hung in the air as the Wheels of Justice faced off with the Bay Area All-Stars.

The B.A.D. Girls took an early lead, but Rose City was able to answer back with high-scoring jams from Scald Eagle and Licker ‘N Split. Midway through the first half, it looked like Portland’s hard-hitting, powerful jams were going to get the job done. Toward the end, though, Bay Area came back with a series of low-scoring, methodical jams that ended the half 69-55—Rose City still had the lead, but it was rapidly evaporating.

Bay Area hit Portland hard at the start of the second half. Bricktator, taking advantage of penalties, brought the score up to 69-80 for the B.A.D. Girls in a painful power jam. Rose City responded—the combined efforts of jammers Mutch Mayhem, Scald Eagle, and Licker ‘N Split tied the game at 90-90. Penalties, though, were not on Rose City's side, and a power jam by Bay Area’s Lulu Lockjaw brought the score to 110-125, with a Bay Area lead. For the rest of the bout, Bay Area kept the score comfortably afloat above Rose City, and the scoreboard displayed an insurmountable-seeming 127-175 going into the final jam.

Scald Eagle gave it her all in that last one, dancing, gliding, and even hopping past B.A.D. Girls in the last seconds. The crowd knew it couldn’t really be done, though. She managed to cut the lead to Rose City 146, Bay Area 175. Rose City went down, but at they went down in a blaze of glory.

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Roller Derby Weekend & Recap

Courtney Ferguson — Tue, 02 Apr 2013 16:14:27 -0700

The skating just doesn't stop. Hot off of March's plethora of roller derby bouts, there are two more nights of hard hits and sweat-soaked fun this weekend. Friday sees the Rose City Rollers home team the Break Neck Betties going toe-to-toe-stop with Grave Danger, a Rat City home team from Seattle. Fri April 5, The Hangar at Oaks Park, 8 pm, $14-20, tix.

And Saturday is the main event: Portland's all-star team the Wheels of Justice vs. their biggest rivals, the Bay Area Derby Girls. I can't even begin to tell you how much Portland wants to crush them. The Wheels of Justice's championship hopes were squashed last year by Bay Area, a team they were expected to beat at West Region Playoffs. And that was not the first time those dames from SF have crushed Rose City's roller derby dreams. Expect much grudge matchery. Sadly, the bout is sold out, but you can watch the live stream here. Sat April 6, The Hangar, 7 pm, sold out.

Speaking of March's bouts... hit the jump for short 'n' snappy Rose City Rollers game recaps as I dish the hot-poop on a delightful Rosebuds halftime dance party, an epic game between the Guns N Rollers and Break Neck Betties, and the women on Wheels of Justice vs. the dudes of Portland Men's Roller Derby.

Friday, March 22's Wheels of Justice bout against the Portland Men's Roller Derby was more of a widespread win than I think the crowd was anticipating. FINAL: Wheels of Justice 189, men's all-star Bridgetown Menace 134. The all-star ladies of WOJ had a deep jammer lineup, which they used great effect. The boys took the early lead until Scald Eagle snatched it away and never gave it back. Men's jammer Cougar Bait racked up an impressive 29-point jam at the start of the second half, but a wealth of penalties and the ejection of Enzo Tight didn't serve the men's team well.

For the first time in years and years and years, the Guns N Rollers beat the Break Neck Betties. And it was a spectacular game on Saturday (watch it here). The Betties had an early and fairly substantial lead, but GNR had a strong second half, where they consistently ticked away at their deficit and used power jams to grab an endgame lead change with Untamed Shrew jamming. The last jam started with a 6-point difference on the scoreboard with Betties jammer Mutch Mayhem trying to wrest back the lead. Mutch put 7 more points on the tally, but GNR's Scald Eagle was right behind her. FINAL: Guns N Rollers 170, Break Neck Betties 167. While GNR may have won, I think Betties blocker Indigo Hurls had a personal victory with a pretty epic hit to Scald Eagle. It was highly impressive.

On Sunday, the Rosebuds weren't able to replicate their game magic from their last bout with the I-5 Rollergirls, which was a real squeaker. This go-around, I-5 was on fire with incredibly tight defense and offense. And I-5's jammer lineup was off the hook. Personally, I think the junior derby gals on the Rosebuds won in fun. Their Carly Rae Jepsen halftime dance party was the best thing I've seen in many a moon. And I am in awe of Rosebuds skater Jesus Feist. She's a smart player and she always looks like she's having the time of her life. A lot of the Rosebuds were seeing a great game: Heavy Nettle, Annaphyaltic Shock, Tempest Fugit, Rainbow Dash, and Little Bo Weep all killed it. But they weren't able to overcome I-5's gameplay. FINAL: I-5 Rollergirls 251, Rosebuds 114.

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Portland Thorns Pull "Feelin' Thorny" T-Shirts

Alison Hallett — Mon, 25 Mar 2013 10:59:00 -0700

Ugghhh. Today in "jokes gone awry," Portland's new women's soccer team the Thorns decided to pull a t-shirt with the slogan "Feelin' Thorny?" after fans took to Facebook to complain that the shirts inappropriately sexualized the team.

Timbers/Thorns owner Merritt Paulson didn't take to the complaints too well at first. According to Prost America, Paulson initially tweeted:

“not worth engaging with someone who thinks a t-shirt is a statement. my statement on women’s sports was launching the Thorns”

(Snap.)

And when a commenter noted that the Feelin' Thorny shirts were "as tasteless as selling a shirt at Timbers games that says 'Got wood?'", he responded:

“and you can wear a “got wood?” shirt if you’d like for your PTFC capo’ing. coming soon ”

The tweets have since been scrubbed, and team officials have stopped sales of the shirt, according to the Oregonian.

Meanwhile, there's a slightly desperate Facebook group devoted to getting the shirts back, though the team has given no indication that bringing the shirts back is an option.

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Roller Derby Weekend: Women vs. Men, Betties vs. GNR, Junior Derby

Courtney Ferguson — Fri, 22 Mar 2013 15:59:37 -0700

Were you snoozin'? Then you were losin', my friend. Both tonight and tomorrow's Rose City Rollers roller derby bouts at Oaks Park are sold the 'eff out. You can still get tickets to what is going to be a insanely good game on Sunday—it's the all-star junior derby gals on the Rosebuds taking on the I-5 Rollergirls outta the Seattle area. That is something of a grudge match, after the Rosebuds lost to 'em by a miniscule amount in early March. I'd jump on those tickets if you're planning on going though, things are selling like hotcakes at the Hangar. Rosebuds vs. I-5 @ the Hangar, Sun, 2 pm, $14-20

Tonight, it's the all-star travel team the Wheels of Justice and their trusty mascot the Pegacorn taking on the boyish brutes of the all-star men's travel team from the Portland Men's Roller Derby, the Bridgetown Menace. Yep, it's a girls vs. boys thing! The last time these teams had a match-up, it was a closed invitation-only game (and the girls skated all over those boys). But this oughta be WAY more close. Those boys have been improving like gangbusters. And the Wheels of Justice are superheroines on skates—their butts alone fly invisible jets. WOJ vs. Bridgetown Menace @ the Hangar, tonight, 8 pm, sold out

Saturday is a Rose City Rollers home team game with the Break Neck Betties taking on the rockin' sweethearts of the Guns N Rollers. If it's anything like the Heathers vs. High Rollers bout last month, this should be awesome and full of hard hits and spills. Betties vs. GNR @ the Hangar, Sat, 7 pm, sold out (but check here for the live stream on Sat)

Speaking of GNR, here's a neat spot narrated by rad Guns N Rollers jammer Scald Eagle:

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U of O Football Player Calls Sandy Hook a Conspiracy

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Fri, 22 Mar 2013 13:51:34 -0700

University of Oregon's Daily Emerald has the story—U of O tight end Colt Lyerla has been using his Twitter feed to push the notion that the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting was actually "a government conspiracy."

If you have a half hour you should watch this and enlighten yourself.youtu.be/VrngdgUixYg
— ..::⚡C⚡::.. (@ThaRealCL) March 21, 2013

Naturally he got some pushback from other Twitter users over his opinion, and tweeted the following—which has since been deleted (but recovered by the Daily Emerald):

Regardless, Lyerla continues to stubbornly stand by his opinion with tweets such as this:

My life will never be about status or money. I will never be a mindless drone. And that is what makes me, me.
— ..::⚡C⚡::.. (@ThaRealCL) March 21, 2013

And apparently, so are a few others. COLLEGE KIDS! Go figure.

@anhyzerroc is a real douchebag. The kids were killed by our government so talk shit to them, not @tharealcl
— Hayden Ptacnik (@HoneyBakdHayden) March 21, 2013

Read it all here.

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Blazers vs. Knicks: How the Game Got Played

Bobby Roberts — Fri, 15 Mar 2013 00:50:05 -0700

TO SET THE STAGE
Distraction, thy name is Raymond Fucking Felton. Captain Cupcake has returned to Portland with a chip on his shoulder, probably that new Sriracha flavor from Lays.

Distraction, thy name is tired fat jokes and faux-schadenfreude. Felton is an ashed out effigy for a dead season, a therapeutic madsock we're thumping against the mattress to work out all the frustrations and anger we feel for getting our playoff hopes up in a season when we knew better than to do that.

That's not to say there isn't some legitimate hurt to be worked through. Portland hurt Felton. Felton hurt Portland. Then Felton hurt himself. He disappointed his coaches, some of his teammates, and a LOT of writers here. And then he voided himself of all responsibility, filled the resultant hole with so much artificial bravado that he became something like a perpetual fronting machine. A predatory feedback loop was formed between him and the media, and the sawtoothed wave of sadness was such that it stripped all self-confidence from him. He left Portland a pouty, wobbly mess, unsure he could do anything right. You know that mewling thing Dumbledore shows Harry during his trip to the afterlife at the end of Deathly Hallows? That was Felton. That's who we elevated to the level of Portland's personal fucking Voldemort.

I would suggest this was a bit of an overreaction on Portland's part, and is even more so now. Reducing an insecure man to his vibrating, atomic elements of embarrassment didn't get any extra wins on last season, and won't really have anything to do with winning this game, either. What will help get this game won?

Being young. The Knicks have gotten their shit WRECKED two straight games in a row, and they're still a little wobbly from that carnage. So much so that Tyson Chandler isn't playing, and Carmelo Anthony isn't even here. This leaves a team whose best players are probably Kurt Thomas, Marcus Camby, and Jason Kid; a formidable nexus... in 1997. Felton, in a fit of false bravado this past summer, mentioned that he might drop 50 points on Portland when he finally returns. He's probably gonna have to in order to make this a game.

But there we are: focused on The Distraction. Will he be a fun distraction, or a really, really annoying one? Either way, this crowd is here to HATE. Fit em up with Silky Johnson's 100% rat-ass coat, and stick a toothpick between their teeth.

Tonight is a themed night, and that theme is '80s night. Portland isn't really doing it right. Fake-retro "Rip City" jerseys instead of the vintage real deal ain't '80s. Blowout afro wigs on Blazers employees ain't '80s. Fluffy mullets, acidwash jean jackets, and aviators on the flippy muscle dudes who toss both women and t-shirts into the sky with equal flair? Pretty '80s. But the most '80s dude on the court is Knicks guard Iman Shumpert, who is sporting a high-top fade that would have made former Blazers bruiser Mark Bryant nod solemnly in approval.

You may think this is not a good look for anyone, then or now, but at least it's better than this.

This half-ass Stephon Urquelle horseshit is like a plastic butterknife scraping my corneas. How none of his friends staged an intervention for this ridiculousness, I don't know. I try not to think about it. It gives me Alex Vanderpool-era nightmares.

THE FIRST HALF

Felton touches the ball, and the boos rain down. Expected. Iman Shumpert scores on a layin, and half the building cheers. Very unexpected. There are a lot of Knicks fans in the building, and the Knicks give them much to cheer about initially: The Blazers are not capitalizing on the Knicks mobility issues, and the Knicks are doing some Aikido shit out there, Blazers flying past people like Treebeard Thomas, cEnter, New York Knicks. He even managed to pump fake LaMarcus Aldridge on a play, Aldridge basically pulling a face like "that was hasty of me" while Thomas"Hoom Haroomed" a slow-motion jumper into the bottom of the net.

Batum is still trying to make up for his shitty wrist, with two threes and an alley-oop feed. The threes prompt the jumbotron to play a quick video, featuring Batum holding up three fingers, giving a dead-eyed smile to the camera. It looks like he's trying to be a Swarovski Crystals spokeswoman.

Kenyon Martin, a man who has had every joint south of his armpits either soldered or welded back in place, is getting in on this Entmoot that Thomas is sparking, spinning off JJ Hickson down low to deliver a strong dunk, which, no matter how fragile his body has gotten, manages to stay as ferocious as when he first got in the league. Hickson checks out, Meyers Leonard checks in; a tall glass of tapioca, wide-eyed and eager. J.R. Smith instantly oops another fisftul of ferocity to Kenyon Martin. Marcus Camby checks in for the Knicks later, and he gets himself a one-hand, roaring putback off a J.R. Smith miss. What the fuck is going on with the old and the infirm tonight? I'm about to leave my seat to go check their bus to see if Wilford Brimley's on it, keeping everyone's cocoon warm.

Just as it seems the old folks are about to run the younguns out the building, Lillard pops a three to keep the Knicks within a safe distance. Meyers Leonard decides to slow the olds down a little, ruining a slash to the rim from Camby by throwing his hip at Camby's hip (when I dip you dip we dip). It doesn't really faze Camby. But the airballed three from Damian Lillard fazes the crowd. It's hard to get amped up when the team is down 30-22 by the end of the first. Cue The Distraction: Whenever Felton touches the ball, a sustained booing oozes out of the crowd like the black liquid on Zorg's head in The Fifth Element. They will not fail to do this for the rest of the game, even in the final minutes of the fourth quarter, even when given the option to cheer, or asked to chant "De-Fense" or instructed via jumbotron to yell "Let's Go Blazers."

Maynor checks in, and is doing a decent Lillard impersonation while Dame struggles to find a consistent groove. The Knicks sub in Jason Kidd, so their combined age on the floor is something like 732 years old. Problem is, Kidd at age 350 is still slicker than frozen snot, and Camby/Thomas don't have to move when Kidd can fool an entire defense like a rented magician doing tricks at a bar mitzvah. Camby is basically drywall with legs, but midway through the 2nd he's got 8 points on 4 of 5 shooting. Kidd is, amazingly, still the best point guard on the floor, and there are four of them out there right now - him, Maynor, Lillard and Felton. How frustrated is Stotts? I don't know. I've never seen him express an emotion. It's like he gets his soul botoxed before every game.

Aside from some rebounding here and there, Hickson's a non-entity, however, by the end of the night, that "here and there" will end up accounting for 16 total boards. Lillard's got 11, thanks to a couple threes - but he's airballed a couple shots as well. Aldridge is having a rough time knocking down open shots, only Wesley Matthews seems at all active. It's almost as if the Blazers themselves are ossifying just by being on the same court with these olds. And while they slow down, the Knicks shooting is stays nice and toasty. They'll end the half shooting just shy of 60% from the floor

As if on cue: The Distraction chooses 2:30 left in the second, his team maintaining a 10 point lead, to finally let the Blazers crowd get to him. It sounds like a herd of mooing cows hiccuping every time he touches and then gets rid of the ball, and it's as good a reason as any to explain the string of shitty passes, bad decisions, and questionable drives he takes. All of these decisions lead to Blazer baskets. A timeout is called when he sees an opportunity to shut up the Portland crowd, and forces it: He attempts a fancy juke on Lillard, which fails utterly. Flustered, he barfs up an awkward 23 foot fadeaway. It splashes off the glass and drips down into Hickson's hands in gooey chunks. New York coach Mike Woodson just stares at him. The look on his face is almost exactly the same look Steve Harvey gives to the fucking morons he has to deal with on Family Feud.

These actions comprise the final two minutes of the first half: Hickson gets a board and a putback and the and one; Aldridge spanks a shot from Shumpert back down to earth, gets his ass back downcourt, shakes Martin & Thomas with one single, swooping move, and hits the reverse; shortly thereafter, Damian Lillard scoops up the ball after J.R. Smith pulls a classic Raymond Felton and slides it off his own shin, Lillard goes coast to coast with it, absorbs contact from Shumpert, banks home a falling, hipshot layup and when the red lights flash and the horn sounds, Portland, which has been down by 10 for almost the entire game, has run off 13 straight points and is enjoying a 51-48 lead.

THE SECOND HALF

That youthful exuberance we closed with hasn't gone anywhere. Batum & Aldridge jointly swat the shit out of a Shumpert attempt, quickly followed by Matthews delivering a flying lob to Aldridge, who has already beaten everyone else back to his rim, and tips it home.

But it appears the refs have forgotten their whistles in the locker room. Copeland and Aldridge are basically slapping the shit out of each other, stopping just short of delivering the sort of meaty, Hogan-esque chest chops that would fit right in with '80s Night. Hell, Aldridge is getting downright contemptuous with his play. He's sauntering and swaggering as opposed to running. Copeland keeps sticking his hands in the general vicinity, and Aldridge sneeringly beats him about the shoulders for it. Not a tweet to be heard. Kurt Thomas eventually retaliates, responding to Aldridge giving him two or three headfakes on a truncated drive to the hoop by just swiping at Aldridge's wrist like an old dog, sick of people all up in its grill.

Lillard and Matthews are now having a fun ol' time just trading threes, extending the lead out to 10 points rather quickly, and the Knicks couldn't buy a basket even if they had the available cash to do so. They're completely assed-out right now. The only things keeping them close are the offensive missteps of JJ Hickson, and the struggles of Nicolas Batum to get his wrist to work right. Batum launches up an airballed three (this is the third airball from behind the arc the Blazers have yawned into the sky tonight) but makes up for it by hustling back on defense, sticking a limb in front of a Felton fastball, recovering, and feeding to Lillard, who goes up on one side of the hoop, is engulfed by the defense, and pops out the other side, still in mid-air, gently banking home a reverse layup. Felton responds by doing that sweaty, shrugging, palms up "I just can't explain how I could possibly be fucking up this badly, what a mystery!" dance he does. His coach?

After a Knicks time out, they run a perfect, three-pass play that results in Martin beating the shit out of the rim again. Unfortunately for New York, this is the only field goal they're going to hit reliably for the rest of the night, as what went ice cold in the 2nd, stays cold enough to keep all Coors labels in the stadium a bright blue. Matthews throws a couple cubes in their shorts by knocking down another three, and then Aldridge, with that same sneer on his face from earlier, swats the living fuck out of an ill-advised Felton layup.

The crowd just orgasmed with a noise only the most satisfying of hatefucks could possibly produce.

That pic is from Face/Off one of John Woo's most fun movies. Lillard has absorbed all the heat the Blazers are feeling right now, and channeled it into this one metaphor of a move. By simply dribbling, he has pulled 3/5ths of the Knicks over to the right side of the court. No fancy moves, no stutter steps. Just a steady, speedy drive to the right hand side of the court. And then there was just... He was like, 3/4ths sideways, in mid-air, like Castor Troy diving out of the plane with two guns, and the shot was in the air before anyone even knew there was a shot. Like his jumper had a silencer on it.

The Knicks, at the beginning of the fourth, seem almost seem scared to shoot. They're definitely way more hesitant. Hell, Copeland just stopped to TIE HIS SHOE while the rest of the team tried to run a working offense. Hey, Coach Woodson?

JR Smith is starting to heat up, which is the Knicks only hope at this point, because he's the only one on the team that appears able to move reliably. Back to back threes, followed up by a spin move on Lillard and a finish at the rim. Stotts quickly calls time out, because an eight point run just happened. Strangely, coming right out of the time out, instead of inbounding - Stotts calls timeout again. Unlike icing the kicker in the NFL, this actually works, as the New York J.R. Smiths, forced to stand around their bench for about four-to-five straight minutes with no activity, get back into the game and resume spanging Spaldings off the glass with regularity.

Felton checks back into the game with six minutes left, and the joyousnessin the building as the Blazers were jumping lanes, getting fastbreaks, and finding the open man? All that shit is shoved in a closet as the Rose Garden becomes the Vendetta House. However, it doesn't take more than a minute or so before that ugliness is washed away in a rain of three pointers. Lillard. Matthews. Even Batum gets in on it, late in the fourth, putting the Blazers up 92-78.

Lillard seems to have a bit of the assassin in him. There is no letting up off the gas pedal. Even now, with the game seemingly in hand with about two minutes left, he's trying to shove the dagger in and twist as hard as he can. He drives straight into Copeland's elbow with his eyeballs, and still hits the runner. He doesn't get the and-one because he's still wearing Copeland's elbow skin over his forehead, but the and-one isn't even needed: All the Knicks are doing in response is standing around, watching J.R. Smith work way too hard for his team-leading 33 points.

And with 50 seconds to go, Felton gives Portland the gift of one last ugly, ugly shot to moo at, the Knicks throw in the towel, and it's a matter of running out the clock, watching the confetti fall, and filing out the door, picking up a coupon for diarrhea in a diaper from your local pseudo-mexican fast food franchise du jour, exultant in the Blazers 105-95 victory.

In the end, Felton didn't matter; He shot 4/12, for 11 points and three assists. But he didn't need to matter. He just needed to aspire to the level of distraction. He did that. I kinda wish he hadn't though, because hating Felton meant people weren't paying as much attention to the smoothly efficient way Aldridge racked up 22 points and 10 boards, or how Lillard got 26 points and 10 assists. They were shortchanged on cheers tonight. The Portland crowd thought their energy was better spent being a shitty ex instead.

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The Cooties of Full-Contact Sports

Courtney Ferguson — Thu, 14 Mar 2013 16:25:27 -0700

There's been a hubbub among roller derbers (hmm?) over the last couple days about a scientific study that's been making the internet rounds—all about germs and full-contact sports. Basically after an hour of sweating and slamming into each other, roller derby players have a different batch of microbes covering their bodies after a game than when they started. Yeah, eeew. That's the opposing team all over 'em. It's a really interesting scientific study that was conducted during a big derby tournament in Eugene, where scientist/roller derby gal Jessica Green, director of the Biology and Built Environment Center at the University of Oregon, and her fellow scientists swabbed skaters' arms before a game and then after the game. The after results showed that scientists could no longer accurately say which swabbings were from which team—all skaters' microbes (AKA the good and bad bacteria and viruses that live on our skin, AKA cooties*) had commingled considerably. Which kinda seems like a no-duh—of course, you're going to exchange bacteria with all that skin-to-skin hitting—but it raises a lot of questions, like how long those different cooties stick around, the health benefits of hosting other people's good microbes, and how teams share much of the same microbial makeup throughout their seasons. As I saw one skater describe it, maybe that's why individual teams have individual aromas (again ewwww, but cool, teammies sharing smellies). Check it out, it's a good read!

* Hey, I'm no scientist.

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Blazers vs. Grizzlies: How the Game Got Played

Bobby Roberts — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 22:31:00 -0700

We’re gonna try something a little different, if you don’t mind: Instead of a live-blog (neither my connection, nor Blogtown, are best built for constant live updates) We’re gonna go more with a recap styled blog, the kind you’re used to here on Blogtown when Steve is openly hating Carl, or Erik is getting all verklempt over the Ponds, but instead of tv shows, it’s amazingly skilled athletes, drenched in sweat and sportswear, throwing balls at each other and sometimes, through a hoop.

TO SET THE STAGE:
Less than a week ago, the Blazers took their sweaty and desperate season into Memphis, looking to steal a victory away from a playoff-bound squad in the hopes of keeping their hopes healthy, even though some players (Nicolas Batum – tweaked wrist, Meyers Leonard – sprained ankle, LaMarcus Aldridge – chronic pout) can’t exactly fit that description themselves. What happened is the Blazers played great, and then ineffectually scrambled around the fourth quarter as a 17 point lead just slipped through their fingers.

The playoff fire is quietly guttering in the hearts of only the most die-hard; pretty much the rest of the country is paying attention to Portland to see if Lillard will ever hit the legendary “Rookie Wall.” However, if there is a wall, I don’t think Lillard’s gonna hit it; in fact, I think he saw it, and phased through it like Kitty Pryde somewhere around the 20th game or so. He’s currently occupying rarified rookie air, standing next to players like Oscar Robertson and Magic Johnson, both of whom also averaged 18 points and 6 assists per game in his rookie year. But don’t get it twisted; Francis and Damon Stoudamire are in that same group. So maybe the air isn’t so much rarified as it is nicely Oregonian: Crisp, cool, and tinged with the faintest hint of green.

But the Blazers shouldn’t be too disheartened – the fact they got a 17 point lead on a team considered one of the best, if not the best, defensively, is nothing to sneeze at. But that team didn't have their star, Zack Randolph, and the Blazers managed to lose anyway. Aldridge contributed one of those double doubles that somehow doesn’t help the team any, which is a category he excels in. Instead, Marc Gasol stomped all over the team like some sort of shaved sasquatch, startled into action. The Blazers had no answer for him then, but I’ve heard that JJ Hickson has lined the inside of his shorts with Jack Link’s beef jerky, which should distract Gasol from his defensive assignments enough to let backups Meyer Leonard and Joel Freeland throw down some mayonnaise tomahawks for the cameras.

THE FIRST HALF:
Zach Randolph essentially starts the game by taking the ball out of bounds, walking to Paul Allen, smiling, and shaking his hand. Like “Hey man.” Like “Thanks for paying me all that money.” Like “Thanks for then trading me to Memphis where I became more powerful than anyone possibly imagined.” Allen just smiled back at him. He probably doesn’t even really know where he is right now. If I had to bet, he’s probably still twisted off the swindling his Seahawks GM perpetrated on the rest of the NFL.

Speaking of twisted – Batum’s wrist is still not 100%. In fact, considering that his three-point attempt just basically splattered against the window like a big orange bug, I’d say he should probably just sit the next week or two, rather than risk permanently fucking it up chasing after a playoff dream that will not be visiting this city any time soon. Publicly, he’d likely disagree. Privately, he might still disagree. But ball don’t lie, and he only takes three more jumpers for the rest of the night, and they are all broken things.

Early defensive strategy seems to be “Double-team Gasol and Randolph, and hope that Tayshaun Prince and Mike Conley beat us.” I don’t know if that’s the safest bet. Prince may be a little past his prime, and he may not look all that intimidating (he looks like Herge drew him, honestly) but he’s daggered more than a few teams in his past. Early on, the plan seems to work well; there’s a possession where Aldridge chokes Gasol to death with his armpit as Gasol gathers himself skyward for a jumper. No whistle blows, and Gasol gestures to the refs with a look on his face like “Why cookie rocket?”

But adherence to that plan becomes progressively less adhesive, like scotch tape left out on a table too long. Aldridge, after 3 or so minutes, repeatedly leaves Randolph to hoist his sludgy little jumpers from 15ft out. Lillard puts the team on his back, and runs off 9 quick points, with plays that include “stab step Tony Allen like he isn’t one of the best defensive guards in the league” and “run towards the corner, leap into mid-air, float about four feet, backwards, before twisting and releasing.”

But Marc Gasol is once again there to answer the Blazers’ offense, starting by going right at Meyers Leonard like he isn’t one of the best defenders in the league – because he isn’t. Leonard gets a chance at redemption after Tayshaun Prince coughs up a crappy pass, comes gliding through the lane and puts the one-hander down something fierce. Prince didn’t even try to contest it – Brandon Knight’s death at the hands of DeAndre Jordan will not go in vain this night.

Leonard goes three-for-three in this first half, and the Blazers leave the first quarter holding onto their end of a 21-21 tie, but that’s the last bit of freedom Leonard will see, as Joel Freeland subs in early in the second quarter, and they might have just dressed up two steaks in Blazers jerseys; Gasol and Randolph have eyes so hungry Eric Carmen could sing about ‘em. You could hope that JJ Hickson will use that patchy beard of his to sop up some of the blood from Memphis’ feeding frenzy, but he’s basically invisible. He’s going to finish the night with no blocks, shooting 30%.

The Grizzlies go on a 15-7 run in the middle of the second, and that’s enough to shake any team, but Memphis wants you physically shook. They’re known for indulging in a little smash ‘n’ grab down low. Wesley Matthews just reminded the whole building that he exists only because Gasol just snowplowed him straight into the hardwood. And the Blazers are looking wobbly – but not as wobbly as their jumpers. They need to be able to count on some outside shots if they want to have a prayer in this game, but they’ve tossed up about 10 straight shots from 15ft, all of which have rimmed out like HBO’s legendary tossed-salad man.

The teasing has not only demoralized the team, but the crowd; the Rose Garden feels kinda like a tomb, even though the Grizzlies have yet to hold a lead any bigger than seven. But a seven point lead against the Grizzlies feels a lot bigger than that. A big part of why the Blazers are still within single digits? Even though they’re racking up turnovers (they’re going to finish the night with 16) the Grizzlies run the fast break about as well as EA runs their Sim City servers.

The first half ends with the Blazers down 48-40. Aldridge has 12 points. This is not a good sign, because most times I’ve seen the Blazers play – Aldridge tends to lead the team in scoring when the team isn’t playing well as a team. He gets his, but the team doesn’t get a W for it. Randolph and Gasol each have 10 points, not only setting the pace of the game, but the tone, which is decidedly grumpy.

THE SECOND HALF:
Lillard opens strong, with a slashing drive right at Mount Gasol with a speed that blows the cobwebs off the court. These are the first two points he’s scored since the first quarter. But that slashing has inspired Wesley Matthews to declare himself present. He’s known as maybe the beating heart of the team (It’s kind of a mild-mannered heart, though) but the heart has arrhythmia tonight – his pushing it results in getting his shit blocked, and a tippy-toe out-of-bounds call as he tries to ballet behind the baseline.

After the Blazers struggle through a couple sloppy team defensive efforts, Matthews gets himself an open look, one of the few things guaranteed to spark a Portland crowd to life no matter what. He converts it, and he starts to woof. Surprisingly, Coach Stotts starts to woof back. It looks like a chew-out, but I don’t think that’s what is going on. If I may paraphrase:

“That shit was GOOD.”
“YEAH”
“Yeah! So why the FUCK aren’t you doing that more?”
“YEAH!”
“Do that more!”
“ALRIGHT”
“MOAR!”

I’m sorry to report, that Moar never comes. Lillard is sacrificing his body now, throwing his chest in front of Mike Conley to draw the charge, rotating over to pick up Jerryd Bayless as he looks to inflict a scar or two on the team that never quite used him right. And that second quarter has scarred up the Blazers. Aldridge gets a dunk blocked, Hickson gets a dunk blocked. Batum hesitates on an alley-oop to Will Barton, and the play ends with Aldridge jacking up a 26 footer that clangs off terribly. It feels like everyone but Lillard is entering the lane with a flinch, and unlike what Teddy DuChamp told us in Stand By Me: You don’t get two for flinching.

And the psychological games keep coming: Zack Randolph is frustrating the shit out of Aldridge down low. I don’t blame him – getting outrebounded by a walking fireplug with the vertical leap of an imbalanced washing machine has gotta sting. But even worse, Randolph is getting the best of Aldridge verbally, too. After one foul, Randolph struts around, face screwed up, openly mocking Aldridge, jaw flapping like he’s channeling Edward G. Robinson. Aldridge at first tries the “Yeah, you’re not bugging me, man” tactic, trying to brush the dirt off his shoulder with a goofy grin and a few nods.

But eventually, what happens is Aldridge gets petulant, and channels that into repeated chest bumps, elbows, clutches, grabs, and spin moves. His points are racking up, his yawps echo loud, but the team is no closer to the Grizzlies on the scoreboard by the end of the third, down 68-58.

Lillard is having better luck against Gasol and Randolph than anyone on the team taller than 6-4, streaking past Gasol, ducking under Randolph. Even after an earlier encounter with Randolph where Zack slid his elbows up and down the bridge of Dame’s nose like he was playing a washboard, he’s the only player on the floor not excessively twitchy.

Memphis, on the other hand, has settled into a groove. Most of their possessions play out like so: Two passes, and either Randolph or Gasol is in their preferred spot, waiting for the ball to find them so they can loft up their jumpers that look, for all the world, like they’re rising out of a super-comfy, invisible la-z-boy. The only time they deviate from the plan is when the Blazers turn the ball over and Jerryd Bayless, Ed Davis & Tony Allen come streaking back downcourt for some highlight time.

Gasol goes out early in the fourth, and Aldridge starts going at the rim, and is rewarded for it. Maybe he’s too overconfident, maybe he’s too worried about the meaty hanks of Randolph smashing down upon his face, but Matthews lobs him a perfect pass in transition, and he fumbles it. Lillard resumes driving, slashing at the defense, which has finally gone a little slack (Randolph will, for all intents and purposes, check out of the game with about 8 minutes left to go, even if he’s still on the floor) and all that chipping away is getting contagious. Even Eric Maynor is getting in on the action, and his presence is definitely welcome, as it gives Lillard a chance to come at the Grizzlies from the two-guard position, throwing them off their game just a little. Enough for the Blazers to get within 5.

But with just over three minutes left to go... remember how I said Tayshaun Prince has daggered more than a few teams before? He sticks a three right in the Rose Garden’s throat. All air leaves the building. With less than a minute to go, the Blazers are within five again – only to have Mike Conley go to warp nine in the lane and shove another dagger down Portland’s throat. Even a silly technical from Gasol (Why you messin with Squatch, y’all?) isn’t enough to close the gap: People were talking about Lillard hitting a wall: The Blazers hit it instead. It was navy blue, hard as brick, and it was put up on the wrong side of a five-point difference. The Blazers manage to fight their way to within three with about thirty seconds left, but it was never really that close, and the game ends, 102-97, Grizzlies.

But Lillard just scored his seventh straight game of 20 or more points, so there’s that bit of cold comfort. It’s going to be a theme Portland fans should be used to as the season slouches towards Bethlehem: Maybe we didn’t win, but goddamn Dime looks good out there, don’t he?

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Roller Derby News Roundup

Courtney Ferguson — Fri, 08 Mar 2013 10:14:17 -0800

Lots of sparkly things happening in roller derby lately. Let's do a breakity breakdown! In women's flat track news, the Rose City Rollers had a busy weekend on February 22-24. Crowd favorites the Guns N Rollers took down Salem's 8-Wheel Assassins in a fundraising bout. Was it a blowout? Yeah, kinda. FINAL: Guns N Rollers 240, Salem 103. But fun! Seriously fun. Then Saturday on the home-team season front, there was a phenom duke-out between the Heartless Heathers and the High Rollers. It literally came down to the last jam, after the High Rollers lost their long-standing lead to the Heathers, then gained it back for the last-minute win (FINAL: High Rollers 171, Heartless Heathers 168). It was truly a battle of penalties, penalties, and more god-forsaken penalties. But even blood on the track from High Rollers' Minstrel Psycho's liberated fingernail couldn't keep the gals from hitting the snot out of each other. So I guess it kind of a nail-biter, er, they fought tooth-and-nail? Ugh. I'll keep my wordplay to myself.

Junior derby: I didn't catch the Rose City Rollers junior league match-ups on February 24, but the Rosebuds will be back at the Hangar on Sunday, March 24, for a brawl with the I-5 Rollergirls outta Seattle. Apparently their last game on March 3 was epic, and the Rosebuds will be chomping to beat those I-5 gals after suffering a narrow loss to them. You won't see hide nor dyed-pink hair of the Rosebuds after that until June.

Meanwhile in men's roller derby: The merby is strong with the Portland Men's Roller Derby who have partnered with the men's league from Springfield/Eugene to give you extra roller derby bouts this season. They kick off their season opener on March 29. But if you want a taste of what's to come—dudes on skates—check out their sure-to-be-fantastic game against the women's all-star team, the Wheels of Justice, on Friday, March 22, at the Hangar at Oaks Park.

And in "renegade" roller derby news: The bad girls (and occasional dudes) of the roller derby circuit are the skaters in Renegade Roller Derby. They're offshoots of the international flat-track governing body of roller derby and they go by the old-school credo of playing with no rules (except, you know, don't be a huge asshole). They're the roller derby that throws elbow and starts fights. The brand-new upstart, Portland Renegade Roller Derby, is holding a fundraising night on Thursday, March 21, out at Gresham's Skate World, but no word yet on their first bout.

Looks like you can pretty much attend a roller-skating event of some kind from now into eternity, if you so choose.

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PDX Pop Now! Extends Comp Deadline, and Talkin' Ball Wants Your Music, Too

Ned Lannamann — Wed, 06 Mar 2013 11:44:37 -0800

It's rare for a musician to laggardly miss a deadline—if anything is true about musicians, it is that they are almost too punctual, and they and never ever procrastinate—but in spite of this, the PDX Pop Now! folks have generously extended their deadline for this year's compilation album. We originally reported that submissions to the comp needed to be in Monday March 4, but that's been extended a week: You now have until 11:55 pm on Monday, March 11 to submit your song. All the info you need, and the place to submit your song, is over on the PDX Pop Now! site.

But that's not the only opportunity for local musicians to get their music heard. Comcast Sportsnet Northwest is looking for a new theme song for the Talkin' Ball basketball talk show, and have put out the call to local musicians to send their stuff in. Here is your chance to be heard by literally dozens of obsessed Blazers fans after each and every game broadcast. All the info to enter their contest, as they are terming it, is over on Comcast Sportsnet NW's site.

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Blazers vs. Celtics - Hot Live Blog Action!

Brian Gjurgevich — Sun, 24 Feb 2013 17:55:07 -0800

We're LIVE at the Rose Garden for a historic meeting between your Portland Trail Blazers and the Boston Celtics. OK, that may be overstating it—but it's 70s Night here, celebrating Rip City and the decade in which Portland captured its lone NBA championship.

And the winds of history are certainly in the air. It adorned the backs of two fans I saw walking west on Broadway—one sporting a Larry Bird jersey, the other wearing Rasheed Wallace's. And think of what might have been had a certain coin toss gone the other way 168 years ago—we'd have Boston vs. Boston on our hands! (Why yes, I do have a B.S. History.)

But perhaps we should avoid looking too deeply into the past with a matchup that features two franchises who've combined for 18 NBA titles (you do the math). Recent history might suggest that Portland would have a shot at home against a Celtics team sitting in seventh out East, but the Blazers have dropped seven straight and look to be in the last throes of a season that appears destined for a Lottery Pick.

With Wesley Matthews back in the lineup and Eric Maynor making his debut for the Blazers (and Kevin Garnett back with the C's), this one may not be timeless, but it's probably worth your time.

So ditch the red carpet, lace up your Chucks, click past the jump and follow along, as I deftly describe the action on and off the court.

PREGAME: Lots of Celtics fans in the house, most of whom were gathered around the tunnel leading into the arena pregame.

Bill Schonely, the mayor of Rip City himself, belts out "America the Beautiful" and "God Bless America" pregame. Getting dusty in here! And now I (sniffle) have sudden urge (sigh) to call and check in with my grandparents.

STARTING LINEUPS:
Boston (29-26)—F Paul Pierce, F Brandon Bass, C Kevin Garnett, G Courtney Lee, G Avery Bradley
Portland (25-30)—F Nicolas Batum, F LaMarcus Aldridge, C JJ Hickson, G Wesley Matthews, G Damian Lillard

FIRST QUARTER:
11:46—Blazers sporting the home "Rip City" whites. Celtics sporting their greens. And we're underway as Pierce is called for traveling on Boston's opening possession.

10:09—Pierce goes to the hole uncontested until he has a layup well in hand. He gets it down +1 and the Celtics are out to a quick 7-0 lead. Previously, Bradley gets past Lillard and goes uncontested to the rack as the crowd lets out a pretty good sized roar for a visiting club.

8:31—Batum goes baseline and lays one in after smartly jump-stopping under the rim to avoid a block. Portland not starting as slow as last time they were in the arena, but they'd be smart to get going here against a Celtics team that defends far better than Phoenix.

7:22—Batum draws a foul behind the 3-point line and it goes! Pierce with two fouls and he's headed to the bench. After a Garnett J, Hickson gets on the board with a hook shot in the line on a dish from Batum. Celtics lead 11-9, but Portland isn't waiting as long to get going tonight.

6:44—Two drives straight down the lane by Lee and Bass as Boston establishes itself physically early. So far, it doesn't look like the Blazers will be able to match the Celtics in the post.

5:37—Aldridge with two straight buckets. The first fading, the second slipping his defender and getting to the rim. Celts up 15-13.

5:11—Celtics coach Doc Rivers called for a technical foul. Batum hits the free throw and the Blazers will have it, tied at 15. Meyers Leonard checks in for Hickson.

4:46—Batum cans a 3 from the right corner and the Blazers have their first lead. The Frenchman has nine and Portland are up 18-15.

3:16—Timeout on the floor after Leonard is called for a foul after an Oscar-worthy flop by Bradley. Portland leads 20-19, but the Celtics have the play of the night thus far after Lee finds Chris Wilcox for an alley-oop jam.

1:52—Matthews with two straight buckets. The second on a turnaround jumper from the elbow. Good sign for the banged up guard. He then draws a foul and hits a pair of free throws. Portland leads 26-19 behind a nice little run from Wes.

0:39.2—Matthews draws Portland's second straight foul on a 3-point attempt. Rivers hates the call and spins all temper-tantrum-like to avoid getting another T. Wessy only manages to hit 1 of 3 and the Blazers lead 27-21. Also, Maynor checks in for Lillard to make his Portland debut.

0:00—Blazers lead 27-21, which you wouldn't expect after they went down 7-0 at the start of this one. One thing that's helping: Portland is shooting 62% to Boston's 43%. Batum leads all scorers with nine points, followed by eight for Aldridge and seven for Matthews. Garnett leads Boston with four points, followed by six Celtics with two points a piece.

SECOND QUARTER:
11:00—Maynor misses his first shot attempt, a 3-pointer from the right wing. After a fruitless Boston possession, Hickson jump-hooks in the lane to give Portland a 29-23 edge.

10:09—Maynor gets his first bucket after showing a burst of speed on the baseline. He lays it in and the crowd offers a warm, welcoming applause.

8:54—Timeout on the floor after Aldridge is called for an offensive foul, his third. That doesn't bode well for Portland's chances to hold off Boston this half, but the Blazers have their biggest lead of the night nonetheless, 33-25. Aldridge out, Batum checks back in.

6:26—Lillard and Matthews check in for Barton and Claver. Upgrade.

5:54—Matthews called for an offensive foul and we have a TV timeout. Blazers still shooting well (56%) while Boston struggles (34%). Portland still holding on to an eight-point edge, 35-27.

5:21—Lillard goes left and leans into a highlight-quality shot in the lane +1. His first field goal of the night brings the crowd up. The rookie hits the free throw and Portland with a double-digit lead now, 38-27.

2:35—Boston mounts a bit of a rally to pull within six, but Leonard puts a stop to the run with a little hook shot in the lane +1. Timeout on the floor, Blazers lead 40-32 with a free throw coming. Leonard misses it, but a lane violation is called on Garnett. Take two, and Leonard hits it. Blazers up 41-32.

1:45—Lee drains a 3-ball from the left corner to pull Boston within four. They'll have a shot at pulling within a basket after Batum turns it over out of bounds.

1:31—And Garnett hits a 15-foot jumper. Boston within two at 41-39 and Terry Stotts calls a timeout.

0:58.3—Sloppy sequence for Portland ends with a Matthews 3-pointer from the right corner. Lillard somehow escapes a triple team to find him, and Portland leads by five. Matthews all smiles after nailing the high-arching shot, and he has 12 points.

0:33.3—Matthews. Three. Again. 47-40 Blazers.

HALFTIME: Blazers lead 49-42 after Batum follows up a Lillard miss with a nifty rebound and reverse layup. Portland holds off Boston's charge and makes a push of their own down the stretch of the half to maintain the lead. Matthews has 15 points to set he pace, followed by 11 for Batum. Portland shooting 51% to Boston's 37%, and Pierce leads the C's with 14 points and four rebounds.

THIRD QUARTER:
10:41—Celtics strike first on a steal and fast-break reverse layup by Bradley. Blazers respond with a 3-pointer from Matthews, who remains hot after the break.

9:20—Pierce knocks down a 3 and Bass hits a baseline jumper, and just like that, Boston is right back in this one. Portland clinging to 52-51 lead.

8:32—Bradley strips Lillard and has a breakaway dunk all alone on the other end. Stotts calls a timeout as Boston seizes the lead, 55-54.

6:01—Aldridge hits a pair of free throws to reach 10 points. Blazers lead 60-57 as Portland has come back to earth shooting-wise. They're at a 48% clip. Boston has improved to 43%.

3:19—Batum with a step-out 3-pointer from Lillard and the Blazers lead 65-63. On the other end, Green is called for an offensive foul and the Blazers will have it back.

3:04—Aldridge with a fadeaway jumper to extend Portland's lead to four, 67-63. Timeout on the floor.

0:53—Aldridge with a jumper from the top of the key, and on the end, a nice block by Leonard but it will stay on the Celtics' end.

0:00—Blazers' last possession ends with a step-back 3-point attempt by Matthews that falls short. Leonard attempts to tip it in, but can't get it atop the rim in time. Blazers have held off a couple of Boston runs, and Portland leads 71-67. Unfortunately for the home team, Matthews comes off the court limping and checks out.

FOURTH QUARTER:
10:47—Claver with a nice rebound and put-back over Garnett right under the rim. Hey! It looks like Claver found a place he's comfortable shooting from!

9:11—Williams bails out the Blazers as he fouls Batum on semi-desperation heave from 3-point land. And once again, it's three free throws for Portland. Nicolas hits two of three, and Portland leads 77-73.

7:41—Lillard drives strong to the hoop but can't finish on the layup attempt. Rough night for the rookie—he's 4 of 12 from the field, 0/4 from 3-point land.

6:50—Matthews crushes a 3-pointer from the right corner on a dish from Lillard. Blazers lead 80-73, and this would be a good time to pull away.

5:48—Boston has gone a bit cold and Claver is making an impact. He grabs his 10th rebound on a Garnett miss, and on the ensuing break, Aldridge drains a jumper to give Portland a 82-74 lead.

4:59—Pierce lobs to Garnett for an alley-oop jam. Celtics have scored four straight and they're not going away.

3:51—Hickson banks one in and he has another double-double. His 413th this season. Impressive. Blazers up 86-82.

2:53—Bass with an awkwardly awesome flip for a bucket, we have ourselves a two-point game. Blazers clinging to an 86-84 lead as each team has four players a piece in double figures.

1:46—Garnett drives on Hickson and the Celtics have scored six straight to tie it at 86. Boston fans are really making noise.

1:32—And there's Lillard. He drives hard to the hoop off a screen and hits a free throw +1. The rookie nails the free throw and Portland goes back on top, 89-86. Not a great night for Lillard, but a clutch play right there when he needed to take a possession in his own hands.

0:53.6—Pierce misses a 3 and on the other end, Matthews all but seals it with a pull-back 3-pointer from the top of the key. Big shot right there, and Blazers fans let Matthews hear it. Portland leads 92-86 and the sound effects are reverberating through the Rose Garden.

0:15.6—Pierce misses a fadeaway jumper. On the other end, Lillard drives strong to the hoop and misses, but he grabs a clutch rebound and the Celtics will let the clock run out. Again, a tough night for Lillard, but he comes up big when his team needs him most.

FINAL: Blazers win 92-86. The first win for Portland in more than three weeks. A seven-game losing streak is snapped behind 24 points from Wesley Matthews. Batum adds 18 points and six rebounds, followed by 16 points from a foul-trouble-hindered Aldridge and 12 points from Lillard. Hickson adds 11 points and 11 boards and the Blazers get 11 points from their bench.

Celtics are led by 23 points and seven rebounds from Pierce, followed by 20 points Garnett.

The Blazers host their next three games, starting with Denver on Wednesday.

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Blazers vs. Suns - Hot Live Blog Action!

Brian Gjurgevich — Tue, 19 Feb 2013 18:50:35 -0800

We're LIVE at the Rose Garden, where sure as the sun is setting, your Portland Trail Blazers enter the (unofficial) second half of the season ahead of Phoenix in the standings.

That may not be much to write home about (the Suns have the worst record in the Western Conference) but so it goes for a Portland team that returns to Rip City for the first time in 17 days carrying just one more win than they left with. During that long, strange trip, the Blazers lost five in a row (including a 36-point shitastrophe to New Orleans), dispatched LaMarcus Aldridge to All-Star duty and picked up some hardware when 2012-13 Western Conference Rookie of the Year Damian Lillard won the Taco Bell Skills Challenge (and was clearly overcome with joy).

Tonight, two teams who ~~hobbled~~ ~~limped~~ ~~dragged~~ ~~slithered~~ ~~slinked~~ gumshoed (yes, gumshoed!) their way into the break enter this season's second act on divergent paths. Phoenix appears to be a lock for the Lottery, having lost 8 of 10 while amassing a 5-23 away record this season—the NBA's worst. Their leading scorer (fourth-year guard Goran Dragic) is averaging 14 points (yes, really), while the team as a whole has committed 19 turnovers per game during its latest four-game losing skid (yikes).

The jury's still out on the Blazers, who are still advertising a "Playoff Push Pack" of tickets during pregame announcements. If such a run is to commence, Portland's starters will need help—each regular averages double-figures and Lillard leads all NBA players in minutes played this season. The Blazer bench—"led" by Luke Babbitt and Meyers Leonard's 4.2 points per game a piece—simply needs to be more reliable. If they aren't, adjust those eyes to darkness, Blazer fans, because the dawn may not be here until October.

Oh, but in the meantime, click past the jump and follow along, as I deftly describe the action—on and off the court.

STARTING LINEUPS
Phoenix (17-36)—F PJ Tucker, F Luis Scola, C Marcin Gortat, G Jared Dudley, G Doran Dragic

Portland (25-28)—F Nicolas Batum, F LaMarcus Aldridge, C JJ Hickson, G Victor Claver, G Damian Lillard.

Portland's Wes Matthews, who missed shootaround this morning, is listed as inactive tonight. Batum, who's shown big-time improvement across all statistical categories this season, will need to step up even more in Matthews' absence.

PREGAME:
A moment of silence for the late Dr. Jerry Buss, the legendary Lakers owner who passed away over the weekend. Classy move by the Blazers and the Rose Garden fans for honoring such a hated rival.

Shortly after, Lillard is brought to midcourt and (ho hum) handed his latest Rookie of the Month trophy, which is becoming old hat for him.

FIRST QUARTER:
11:01—The Suns are off to a quick start, with Tucker and Gortat hitting open jumpers and the Blazers coming up empty on their first two possessions. 4-0 Phx.

10:23—And now Scola hits a J, as the Suns start a perfect 3-of-3 from the field. The Rose Garden crowd with a bit of a rising slow clap, seemingly reminding their club that the All-Star break is, in fact, over.

8:43—Uhhh...fellas? Scola gets a dish in the paint from Dudley and finishes with a layup to put the Suns up 10-0. Blazers are 0-for-7 from the field, while the Suns are 5-of-7. Shades of the Blazers' fugly loss at NOLA, which was fugly as fugly gets.

7:18—The Blazers have scored! Hickson knocks down a jumper after Portland missed its first eight shots from the field. The home crowd lets out a rather sarcastic cheer. Suns lead 12-2, but the home team is on the board. So there's that.

6:07—Will Barton checks in for Claver. Aldridge hits a pair of free throws after going strong to the hoop and leveling Dudley. Phx leads 16-7.

5:31—Dudley spins around Barton and gets to the hoop +1. Leonard checks in as Dudley converts the free throw and the Suns again lead by a dozen.

3:50—Dragic goes right at the Blazer defense and curls a pass underneath to Gortat for a bucket. Dragic's eighth assist of the night already, and Phoenix seems to be playing in a different gear than Portland at the moment.

3:05—Lillard knocks down a 3-ball and the Suns take a timeout, up 25-16. Phoenix shooting 75% from the field, which is slightly above their average. Slightly.

2:38—Jermaine O'Neal ('memba him?) hits one of two free throws and hears a few jeers from the home crowd. On the other end, Lillard goes right to the hoop and scores +1. Free throw, good.

1:57—Dragic has nine assists in this one and we're not even out of the first quarter. The latest is an easy pass on the baseline to Markieff Morris, who flushes home a dunk. Phoenix leads 30-21.

0:59—Johnson dribbles from half-court all the way into the lane before he dishes to Morris on the baseline. Defensive breakdown by the Blazers. If this was soccer, someone would be yelling, "MARK UP!" But it's not, so instead the crowd groans as Morris is fouled and hits one of two free throws. Phoenix up 10.

0:29—Dragic nails a 3-pointer from the right wing to put the Suns up 13. Their biggest lead of a night Dragic has chosen to have a banner game (think playing the best young PG in the league has anything to do with that?)

0:00—Sloppy end to the quarter for both teams as Barton heaves up a 3-pointer with 7.5 seconds left on the clock. Phoenix gets it down the court for a 3-point attempt by Wesley Johnson, but it rims out. In any case, the Blazers have been slooooow to get going tonight while Phoenix has shot nearly 73% from the field. Suns lead, 36-23 behind Dragic's 10 assists.

SECOND QUARTER:
10:58—Johnson hits a fadeaway from the right wing, because of course he did. Suns have quieted the crowd with a 15-point lead.

9:52—Sasha Pavlovic streaks down the baseline and finds Hickson, who jams it home. The Rose Garden crowd comes to life a bit, eager to cheer for just about anything. Finally, the Blazers' engine appears to be de-flooded.

7:01—Hickson hits a jumper from the top of the key, and on the ensuing inbound pass, Smith steps in front and knocks it off a Sun for a turnover. Aldridge then hits a quick jumper, and just like that, the Blazers are back in it, down 42-33.

5:51—Timeout on the floor and the Blazers are beginning to make a move. Phoenix has come back to earth shooting-wise and Portland is taking it inside. This has all happened without Dragic on the floor however, and the point guard will check in after the break.

5:20—Johnson drains a 3-pointer from the left corner after a Blazers turnover. Phoenix back up double-figures, 47-35, and so much for that Portland run.

3:47—Johnson misses a 3, but Claver fouls him on the way up. Soft call there. That'll be three shots for Johnson, who has a season-high 10 points after hitting all three free throws. Suns really pouring it on now, up 54-38.

3:14—Hickson rises to grab a free-throw miss by Batum and jams it home. Fans are back into it, but the Blazers still trail by 13.

1:11—Batum hits a 3-pointer from the right wing, then Dudley answers with one on the other end. Blazers then commit their eighth turnover and Dudley dishes to Dragic for an uncontested layup. Suns with their biggest lead of the night once again, up 17.

0:30—After another easy bucket for Phoenix, Lillard hits a 3 to stop the ~~bleeding~~ hemorrhaging.

Halftime—Suns lead 63-47. An ugly first half for the Blazers, who are shooting just 40% from the field. The Phoenix bench is outscoring Portland's 24-4. That's not going to get it done, especially when the starters struggle like they are tonight. Aldridge leads the way with 12 points, followed by Batum and Lillard with 11 each.

For Phoenix, Johnson is having a career game with 12 points so far, followed by 10 points each from Scola and Gortat. Dragic is having himself a night—he has 9 points and 12 assists in the first half.

THIRD QUARTER:
11:27—Hickson called for three seconds in the key and the second half starts with a thud as both teams trade turnovers.

10:46—Hickson with a fadeaway jumper from the right elbow and we have a bucket. He leads Portland with 14 points and seven assists is appears well on his way to another double-double.

9:48—Lillard drives up the lane and dishes to the corner for Claver, who knocks down a 3. First field goal of the night for the Spanish rookie starting for Matthews.

8:32—Dragic with 13 assists now after he dishes to Scola for a 20-foot jumper. After a Blazer turnover, Dudley knocks down an open jumper and the Suns lead 71-56.

6:48—Claver with a steal that ends up with Aldridge on the wing. He shoots and misses, but Hickson is there to tip it home. Blazers within 10.

6:07—Blazers on a 7-0 run after Aldridge puts his head down and goes hard to the hoop from the right baseline. Just when the crowd begins to rise, Phoenix coach Lindsey Hunter wisely calls a timeout. Still, we've got a ballgame now, with Phoenix leading 71-63.

4:25—Batum called for a frustration goaltending after his pass is stolen by Dragic. On the 2-on-1 break, Dudley goes to the hoop and Batum gets a piece of it from behind. The crowd hates the call, but the ball was clearly on its way down. It's science.

3:38—Lillard with a pretty hesitation move on Dragic to draw a foul. He hits both free throws and the Blazers pull within single digits once again, 75-67. Lillard can sense it's his time to take over, and he's taking it right to Dragic.

1:38—Jared Jeffries checks in for Hickson. Think the ever-hustling Hickson is worried about being traded? Doesn't look like it—he has 21 points and 13 boards so far. Something like his 147th double-double of the season.

0:58—Lillard goes strong to the hoop but doesn't draw a foul. Phoenix outlets ahead to Dragic, who knocks knees with a diving Jeffries. Blazers coach Terry Stotts is still bent about the non-call on the other end, and it'll be a technical foul on the Blazers bench.

0:50.5—Pavlovic fakes a 3 and drives before being bumped by Beasley on a basket +1. He can't convert the free throw, however, and the Suns lead 84-73.

0:00—Lillard takes it himself and misses a fadeaway jumper as the game clock expires. Phoenix leads 84-73 as every Blazer mini-run is being answered by the Suns.

FOURTH QUARTER:
12:00—Blazers start with the ball as Nolan Smith checks in for Lillard. That will let Dragic, who has four fouls, sit for a spell.

10:44—Beasley hits a baseline jumper to give Phoenix an 88-73 edge. The Suns' bench is now outscoring the Blazers' reserves 34-6.

9:54—Johnson hits a runner in the lane and the Suns lead 90-74. That's 14 points for Johnson, who's inexplicably torching the Blazers while doubling his season-best in points tonight. Blazer fans are sitting tight for the most part, but if the lead is this big at the next timeout, we may have a run for the exits.

8:50—Aldridge now has two straight jumpers and the Blazers are within a dozen.

8:12—Lillard juuuuust misses a 3 from the left corner, but Hickson is there to rebound and tip it home. Blazers have scored six straight while Dragic rests, but Phoenix is still up 10.

7:26—Suns are bailed out as Claver fouls Beasley on his way to the hoop while the shot clock runs down. The crowd doesn't like it, but the contact was definitely there. Beasley hits both, and Phoenix leads 92-80.

6:27—Smith misses a corner 3-point attempt rather badly, and there are a smattering of boos. Same team, guys!

5:43—Beasley called for an offensive foul as he runs over Batum as the clock winds down. Phoenix in unfamiliar territory here—they've only won five road games this season.

5:21—Batum with a lob to Hickson and it's an alley-oop jam. Too little, too late? Plenty of fans think so, as folks start streaming out with jackets on. Phoenix leads, 94-84, and the Blazers need a run. Like, now.

4:54—Lillard drives, skies and reverses for a highlight-reel quality layup. Outstanding body control there and the crowd loves it. This kid, I tells ya, he might be pretty good.

4:31—But Dragic finds Scola on the other end, and the big man drains a jumper. Just when the Blazers get something going, the Suns snuff it out.

4:21—Aldridge goes strong to the hoop for the bucket +1. He hits the free throw and Portland pulls within seven points, 96-89. Rose Garden getting louder ...

3:47—And now Lillard crushes a 3 from the top of the key as the Blazers are within four points. Smith and Dragic have words on the sideline and the Blazers' bench is fired up. Portland hasn't been this close since the opening minute, and the home crowd is on their feet.

2:46—Scola drives and scoops to just beat the shot clock. Tough break for the Blazers there, who looked like they might have held off Phoenix in a crucial possession.

2:33—But on the other end, Batum nails a 3 and the Blazers again fight to keep it interesting. Suns lead, 100-95.

1:28—Scola fouls Smith as he dribbles away from the hoop and he'll head to the line for a pair of big-time free throws. He hasn't hit a field goal tonight, but hits 1 of 2 from the charity stripe and the Blazers are within four. He reeeeeealy needed to hit both there, but all is not lost.

1:13—Phoenix called for an over-and-back! Crucial turnover there, and Scola hates the call. No matter, Blazers will have the ball after the Suns commit their 17th turnover of the night.

0:37.5—Lillard drives and loses the handle, but on the other end, the Suns return the favor and knock it out of bounds. Suns lead 100-96, but the Blazers have the ball. They need a quick score and a stop.

0:30.9—Portland takes a timeout after Tucker knocks it out of bounds on a dangerous play while Batum was rising for a 3-point shot. Blazers with the ball, 17 seconds left on the shot clock.

0:20.5—Smith takes a 3, but it's off the top of the backboard. But before the Rose Garden crowd can groan too loud, Aldridge rebounds and is fouled. He hits both, and it's 100-98.

0:13.5—Batum fouls Dragic after Portland lets Gortat get a pass away. Dragic adds to a monster night by hitting both free throws, and Phoenix leads 102-98. Timeout on the floor as the Blazers take their final :20. A nice late-game surge here by Portland, but they dug themselves too big of a hole in this one, it would seem.

0:00—Blazers get two looks from beyond the arch, but Lillard and Batum can't convert off-balance heaves.

FINAL: Suns win, 102-98.

Just when you thought a long break might do this team some good, Portland spotted lowly Phoenix the first 12 points of this one and rallied a bit too late to avoid dropping the season series to the worst team in the Western Conference. Ouch. It was nowhere in the neighborhood of pretty much of the game, and the Blazers really only were able to get back into this one when the Suns—who've now won just six road games this year—stumbled their way to an unfamiliar (read: victorious) finish.

A banner night for two players whose scrappy style seems tailor-made for such sloppy contests: For Phoenix, Goran Dragic had 16 points, 18 assists and five rebounds, while four other Suns scored in double figures. For Portland, it was once again Hickson hustling his way to a double-double. The potential trade bait finished with 25 points and 16 rebounds to pace Portland, which also saw solid statistical nights out of Lillard (24 points, 7 assists), Aldridge (23 points) and Batum (15 points, five boards, five assists). But Phoenix plain out-hustled Portland for large stretches of the game, out-rebounding the Blazers 51-37, while winning the battle of the bench 40-7. Relying so heavily on starters is a recipe for a slow decline, and it appears the Blazers may be starting their own as long minutes catch up the likes of Aldridge, Lillard, Batum and company.

So where do they go from here? Hollywood, for starters—Portland heads to Staples to take on the Lakers (a team nipping at their heels in the playoff chase) on Friday before returning home to host the Celtics on Sunday night.

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Good Morning, 'Merica, How Are You?

Paul Constant — Tue, 19 Feb 2013 09:59:35 -0800

Did you know that the WWE has a Teabagger wrestler now? His name is Zeb Colter, and I think he's supposed to be a joke. Maybe?

When I was a kid, I sort of followed wrestling. I hated the Iron Sheik, because he seemed like an excuse for WWF fans to spread their jingoistic racism all over their favorite "sport." But now Zeb Colter seems to be flipping the script on those same proud 'Mericans by making fun of overzealous, under-educated Teabaggers. Or does he?

See, the "genius" of Teabaggers is that you can't tell if they're parodies or not. They are, more or less, satire-proof. Zeb Colter can be taken either way: A brave patriot, or a mocking bit of self-parody. Maybe this is the WWE hedging their bets. I honestly can't tell.

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Blazers vs. Jazz - Hot Live Blog Action!

Brian Gjurgevich — Sat, 02 Feb 2013 18:50:42 -0800

We're LIVE at the Rose Garden, where it's Groundhog Day all over again for the Blazers and Jazz. For the second time in as many nights, the Northwest Division foes meet, with the venue shifting from Plum Alley (why yes, I had to look that up) to Rip City.

You can almost hear the opening bars to "I Got You Babe" as Utah enters with the same tough-nosed defense and low-post dominance that wrapped up Portland like Ned Ryerson on Friday night during an 86-77 Jazz win. This, despite 26 points from perennial Western Conference Rookie of the Month Damian Lillard in a homecoming of sorts for the Weber State product and ROtY lock.

Al Jefferson led the Jazz with 21 points and 10 rebounds last night, but the question tonight is who will get Utah's biggest man the ball. The Jazz will be especially thin at point guard with both Mo Williams and Earl Watson ailing, while Utah will also lack the services of sixth man Gordon Haywood. For Portland, Wes Matthews—who tweaked his ankle something fierce in Utah last night—is a late scratch, while Ronnie Price is inactive.

After an unseasonably sunny day in the Rose City, which shorthanded squad will see its shadow first? Click past the jump to find out.

STARTING LINEUPS
Utah (25-21)—F Marvin Williams, F Paul Millsap, C Al Jefferson, G Randy Foye, G Jamal Tinsley

Portland (23-23)—F Nicolas Batum, F LaMarcus Aldridge, C JJ Hickson, ~~G Wesley Matthews~~ G Victor Claver, G Damian Lillard

FIRST QUARTER
11:22—Jazz win the opening tip and after an offensive board, Jefferson flips one in for the first bucket of the game. Utah out to the early lead physically and scoreboard-ally.

10:42—Lillard finds Aldridge off a double team and LA hits his patented mid-range jumper from the top of the key. We're tied at 2.

9:04—Jefferson with a nice pass to a cutting Millsap, who leisurely puts in an uncontested layup. Defensive breakdown for the Blazers, who are getting some good minutes early from Claver. He already has three rebounds.

6:47—Batum finds Hickson inside, and he jams one home two-handed. Blazers pull within four—12-8.

5:29—Batum hits Portland's first 3-pointer of the night to pull Portland within a bucket at 16-13. Each Jazz starter has scored in this one, and Utah is shooting better than 60% so far.

4:45—Timeout on the floor as Portland has it within a point after Hickson scores one in the paint +1. He misses the free throw, and we're back at it despite some technical difficulties on the Internet access (NOT THAT I NEED IT TO LIVE-BLOG OR ANYTHING).

3:10—Lillard with a nice little drive and scoop to bring the Blazers within four. On the other end, Nolan Smith checks in.

2:17—Smith's first pass is picked off, but the Jazz can't convert on the other end as Jefferson misses a jumper. Still, Utah is shooting 62% at this point, which either can't last or can't be a good thing for the Blazers.

1:26—After passing up a 3 to drive and dish on one possession, Batum drains his second 3 of the night on the next. Blazers pull within a point, but the hot-shooting Jazz still lead 23-22.

0:00—Smith a little floater on the baseline to give the Blazers the lead in the final second of the quarter. The Jazz have come back down to earth from the field and are shooting 47% behind nine points from Marvin Williams. But Portland leads 24-23, led by Batum's eight points and four assists.

SECOND QUARTER
11:07—A nice dish by Aldridge is spoiled by a Smith miss. On the other end, Meyers Leonard is called for a foul and Favors ties the game at 26 from the foul line.

10:25—Batum lob attempt to Smith, but the latter can't find the handle and steps on the baseline on his way down. Smith shows a frustrated smile after Portland's third turnover of the night.

8:48—Timeout on the floor with the Blazers holding to a 28-27 lead. Batum is having himself a game so far, evenly packing the stats with eight points, five rebounds and four assists. After Utah had a field day down low last night, Portland has a 14-6 edge in points in the paint.

7:19—After Carroll hits a jumper on one end to put the Jazz up three, he lets Hickson spin right around him for a dunk. Still, Jazz lead 31-30 in what's been a sloppy second quarter for both sides.

5:56—Aldridge gets smacked in the face by Carroll as we go to an official's timeout. It didn't look intentional, and Carroll certainly didn't look like he felt guilty about it. Jazz lead 35-30 thanks to a 9-2 run, while the Blazers' FG percentage has dipped below 40%.

5:08—An illegal pick called on Hickson and the Blazers have eight turnovers. The pace is slowing down quite a bit and that's working to Utah's advantage.

4:09—Aldridge goes to the line for the first time tonight after Millsap's face fouls his elbow. He converts one of two, and Portland pulls within four points, 37-33.

3:54—Millsap goes right back at Aldridge, scoring it +1. He hits the free throw and the Jazz lead by seven.

3:36—Now Aldridge goes after Millsap, taking it to his chest and hitting a leaner +1. But he misses the free throw and the Jazz are up 40-35. It's turned into a two-man game down low over these past couple possessions.

2:24—Lillard takes over, hitting back-to-back 3s to give Portland the 41-40 lead. The Rose Garden crowd wakes up a bit as the rookie steps up to close out the half. Special.

0:52—Jazz answer the Blazers' mini-run with six straight points. Jefferson hooks one in and Utah leads 46-41.

0:29—The Blazers look tentative as the shot clock winds down. For some reason, the ball ends up in Luke Babbitt's hands, and as the red numbers tick away, Luke throws one into the fourth row. Bad possession? Yeah.

HALFTIME: Utah leads 46-43 behind 11 points from Williams. Utah came out shooting hot but cooled to a 47% clip while Portland has turned it over 10 times. Lillard leads all scorers with 12 points, while Batum is threatening a triple-double with 10 points, six rebounds and four assists.

An interesting stat from Ben Golliver of Blazers Edge: "In 99 combined minutes over last 1 1/2 games vs. Jazz, Blazers bench has 16 points. Jazz's DeMarre Carroll has 20 points in 29 minutes." Yikes.

THIRD QUARTER
10:42—Both teams bring their starters back on and come out shooting blanks. After nearly 90 seconds of scoreless ball, Claver nails a 3-pointer to tie it up at 46.

8:37—Williams hits a jumper and he has 13 points and six rebounds. After a fruitless Portland possession, Foye nails a 3 from the right wing as the shot clock winds down to put the Jazz up 53-46.

7:30—The Jazz are on an 11-2 run (their second of the night) after two FTs by Millsap, and they lead by nine—Utah's biggest of the night.

6:57—And now Foye hits his fourth 3-pointer of the game and the Jazz lead 60-50. Portland better be careful not to let this one get out of hand.

6:02—Foye with another 3-pointer from the top of the key and the Rose Garden is eerily quiet. Timeout on the floor and the Jazz lead 63-53.

5:20—Millsap rips it from Lillard as the rookie is flying toward the rim. His arm catches the iron and he lands pretty hard, but appears to be just fine. Greg Oden would've shattered into a thousand pieces right there.

4:56—Lillard with a jumper and Portland's scored four straight. Here we go—the rookie again leading the charge.

4:26—Now Babbitt hits a 3 (his first of the night) and Portland is within a bucket.

3:57—After a Jazz miss, Lillard finds Barton under the rim and Will sneaks in a reverse layup. It took a few minutes to start this half, but the Blazers have woken up and pull within a point. It's a 9-0 run for Portland, but the Jazz still lead 63-62.

3:23—Lillard with a 3-pointer from the top of the key and this game has completely flipped. Blazers lead 65-63 as the Utah offense has completely disappeared. Lillard has 19 points and six assists.

2:30—Barton takes over now, dribbling around and driving to the lane before flipping one in. Blazers with their biggest lead of the night, 67-63.

0:42—Jefferson clangs one home to break a 14-0 Blazer run and 5+minute scoreless stretch for Utah.

0:29—On the other end, Aldridge goes strong after a rebound and is fouled by everyone on the floor as he lays it in. He completes the 3-point play and Portland leads 70-65.

0:01—Barton finds a cutting Aldridge on the baseline, and LA jams it home. That'll be it for a quarter that saw the Blazers trail by as many as 10 before roaring back to a five-point lead thanks to nine straight misses by the Jazz. Quite a turnaround, and it's much-needed for a Portland team that's about to embark on a six-game road trip. Can they close this one out and salvage the split with Utah?

FOURTH QUARTER
11:28—Hickson with a turnaround J that rattles home and the Blazers are up eight. Jazz are running their big lineup out there, and Portland would be smart to pick up the pace here.

10:21—Carroll hits a jumper and then is called for a technical foul Batum misses the foul shot (Portland is just 7 of 12 tonight), but the Blazers will have it with a five-point lead.

10:11—Make that eight. Smith nails a 3-pointer (yeah, you read that right; Nolan Smith) and Portland leads 79-71.

9:32—Jazz pulls within a bucket as Millsap converts a foul +1. Aldridge checking back in, along with Lillard.

8:05—Someone named Alec Burks just tied this one at 79 with a 3-pointer from the left wing. This one feels like a college game with each side exchanging crazy runs. Lillard leads all scorers with 19 points, while Aldridge and Hickson each have 14. Jazz have five players in double figures, but three of them are on the bench at the moment.

7:08—Babbitt smoothly sidesteps one defender and nails a 3 from the left corner. Big. Blazers lead 82-79.

6:07—Aldridge with a large, leaping block to follow another calmly executed Lillard jumper, and the Blazers are in business, up three points with the ball.

4:41—Hickson with a great pass to a cutting Smith, who lays it in on the baseline. Smith now has nine points and a couple fewer naysayers. Nice ball movement in general from Portland, which is on a 7-2 run. Timeout on the floor the Blazers are back to 50% shooting on the night.

3:51—Tinsley hits a pair of free throws to pull Utah within a bucket, 90-87. Batum checks back in for Babbitt.

3:31—Nolan Smith with a 3-pointer from the right corner (because why not, right?) and the Blazers are back up by six.

2:08—Timeout on the floor after Hickson is fouled going to the hoop off a Lillard dish. Hickson hits both and the Blazers lead 95-89.

1:33—After Foye misses a 3-point attempt (a rarity tonight), Batum finds Aldridge on the baseline for a quick-turn fadeaway. Blazers push their lead to three possessions, 97-91.

0:59.6—Hickson fouled on the way to the hoop. He hits one of two and the Blazers lead 98-91. Timeout on the floor as Utah plans its last stand.

0:48.1—Millsap misses a 3 and Aldridge is fouled hard without the ball on a rebound attempt. He's fine, but not fine enough to convert from the charity stripe. WITH CHALUPAS WITHIN HIS GRASP, he misses both free throws and the Jazz rebound and call a timeout. Murmurs on press row about Aldridge's fourth quarter FT struggles likely match what's being said under breath across the arena.

0:43.6—Foye goes straight to the hoop and is fouled by Lillard. Dangerous one there by the rookie—if you're going to foul Foye, make sure he doesn't get that good of a shot off. Foye missed, but it was too close for comfort. Now he hits both and the Jazz pull within five. Blazers lead 98-93.

0:41.4—Smith is immediately fouled. He goes to the line and hits one of two. Portland leads 99-93.

0:33.9—Oh boy, Foye nails a 3-pointer from the left wing. That's his sixth of the night, and the Jazz are within a bucket, 99-96. Curse of the Chalupa? The Blazers have left three crucial free throws on the table late here, and it may just come back to bite them.

0:19.9—Jazz nearly get a steal but Williams fouls Hickson on a dangerous pass (read: a bit too lazy for this point in the game) by Lillard. JJ steps to the line and hits 'em both, and the Blazers lead 101-96. Finally, somebody in white hits a pair of clutch free throws and we all get shitty food.

0:15.8—Another bad foul by Lillard, who gets Foye on the floor. Randy hits one of two, and the second one is a huge miss. Portland leads 101-97 and the Blazers have the ball, a two-possession lead and two timeouts. Utah is out of timeouts, which pretty much means this one is over.

0:14.5—Hickson calmly hits two more free throws. Blazers lead 103-97. Ballgame.

0:08.9—Batum is fouled hard on his injured wrist by Tinsley (cheeky) and goes to the line. The Frenchman buries both, and the Blazers have put this one away.

FINAL: Blazers win 105-99. Portland overcomes a 10-point third-quarter deficit to get a huge win before they take off for six road games in 11 days.

Five Blazers in double-figures: Lillard leads the way with 23 points and eight assists. Hickson has 21 points and 11 rebounds, Aldridge has 18 points and 11 boards, Batum scores 12 points, nabs 10 boards and doles nine assists and Nolan Smith adds 13 points. The Jazz are led by 23 points from Foye, while Millsap has 18 points and eight rebounds and Williams starts fast and finishes with 15 points. The Blazers starting core continues to impress, and without Matthews tonight, role players filled shoes and shined.

Where do you start with this team? Lillard, once again, shows he's cool beyond his years; getting his shot with ease and sensing when to take over the offense. Hickson is the hardest working player on the court every time he's out there. Batum has committed to being the ball-hawking, court visionary he showed flashes of (alongside the dagger-like range) before signing the big deal. And while Aldridge is officially struggling a bit, he's being picked up by teammates, including (out of nowhere) Smith, who's struggled mightily at times this season but looked (dare I say?) confident in stretches despite a shaky start. Hell, even Barton and Babbitt had their moments tonight, giving the Blazers some sorely needed mojo heading into a long road haul.

Blazers shoot an even 50% from the field to overcome 16 turnovers(!) and poor free-throw shooting down the stretch, and they'll eek their way above a .500 record once again.

Next up for Portland? Minnesota and a 5 p.m. tip on Monday. They return home 17 days from now on Tuesday, Feb. 19 against Phoenix.

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Blazers vs. Clippers - Hot Live Blog Action!

Brian Gjurgevich — Sat, 26 Jan 2013 18:55:37 -0800

We're LIVE at the Rose Garden as your Portland Trail Blazers open up a weekend home-and-home with the best professional basketball team in Los Angeles.

Yes, that would be the Clippers(!), who are off to a historic start thanks in large part to the 17-game winning streak in December. And while Lob City's rise is a tad less of a surprise than their Staples Center flat-mate's early season doldrums, the once abysmal franchise is now being seen as legitimate conference contenders. But one of the main catalysts behind the Clips' success is also the reason they've dropped three straight: Chris Paul is in street clothes for a third consecutive game tonight, meaning Portland may just be catching the Pacific Division leaders at the right time.

Blake Griffin called his team's offense "stagnant" after LA fell to generally awful Phoenix earlier this week, and with a tweaked ankle, he may need help to get them moving.

With a pleasantly surprising .500 record midway through what was supposed to be a rebuilding season, the Blazers are managing to hang around playoff contention and raise fans' hopes for a postseason run (sigh). LaMarcus Aldridge is once again an All-Star, Nicolas Batum is having himself a career year and Damian Lillard has likely already made room on his mantle for the Eddie Gottlieb Trophy. Ah, but with a bench that's on track to average the fewest points in the NBA in 22 years, Portland still has a ways to go.

What better way to start than to beat LA? Even if it's the other LA.

STARTERS:
Lob City (32-12)—F Caron Butler, F Blake Griffin, C DeAndre Jordan, G Willie Green, G Eric Bledsoe.
Rip City (21-21)—F Nicolas Batum, F LaMarcus Aldridge, C JJ Hickson, G Wesley Matthews, G Damian Lillard

An impressive number of Clippers fans in the arena tonight pregame. They do exist! I've got my eyes peeled for a Tom Tolbert jersey.

The last time these two teams met, Jamal Crawford ('memba him?) torched the Blazers with 25 points off the bench. Coach Vinny Del Negro will be looking for a similar performance tonight with Paul out.

FIRST QUARTER
12:00—Aldridge and Griffin embrace at midcourt before the tip. They may not guard each other much tonight, but they're a matchup to watch, stat-wise. Clips win the tip and we're underway ...

11:20—The Clippers' first possession results in a fall-back 3-pointer from the corner while the shot clock expired. Probably not how Vinny drew it up. On the other end, Hickson follows a Lillard miss for the game's first bucket. 2-0 Portland.

9:33—Batum lobs one to Hickson, who jams it home two-handed. WHO'S LOB CITY NOW!?!

8:17—Yeah, it's still LA. Clips answer with a lob of their own as Jordan rises to grab Bledsoe's toss. Clippers lead 9-5.

6:46—Aldridge with a jumper from the top of the key. His first basket of night as Jordan leaves him open right in one of the All-Star's favorite spots.

6:00—Clippers lead 13-9 and it's been all Hickson for Portland. He has seven points and three boards in the early going. Aldridge's All-Star nod is noted by the PA announcer during the first TV timeout, and the Portland crowd offers an ovation to the sixth-year forward averaging 20.7 points and 8.8 rebounds per.

5:20—Hickson picks up his second foul. Meyers Leonard will replace him as Griffin sinks a pair of free throws. LA leads 15-9.

3:28—Blazers take the lead for a moment after Lillard and Batum can a pair of jumpers. Bledsoe hits two free throws to put LA back on top, and Blazer fans rain boos on the court as Crawford checks in between foul shots. Portland goes back up 18-17 after Jeffries follows a miss with a put-back dunk.

1:44—After Crawford surprises the Portland defense with a laser pass under the hoop to Barnes, Batum surprises Barnes with a big block on the layup attempt. That leads to a Matthews hitting a jumper from the right baseline and Portland is back within a point at 21-20.

0:00—An ugly final possession of the quarter for Portland ends with an awkward leaning 3-pointer from Matthews as the clock winds down. Still, Portland leads 25-22 behind seven points from Hickson and six points apiece from Lillard and Matthews. The leading scorer on the floor? Willie Green, who has eight.

SECOND QUARTER
11:52—Grant Hill checks in for the Clippers. The NBA's second-oldest player has battled injury in this his 18th season. He was born in 1972, which is nine years earlier than anyone on Portland's roster.

9:39—After a Barton 3-pointer puts Portland up seven, the Blazers go inside and feed Aldridge for a left-handed leaner in the lane. Blazers with their biggest lead of the night, 33-25.

9:11—Now Ronnie Price nails a 3-pointer and Portland is up double-digits, 36-25. Portland on a 16-3 run.

8:56—Huge dunk by Barton off a lob from Price. Lobs!

8:23—Another trip down the floor, another lob to the hoop for a basket. This time it's Leonard putting it home on a Batum flip and the Blazers lead 40-27. LOBS LOBS LOBS!

5:15—The Blazers are cleaning up on the offensive glass. The latest example is a Batum tip off a missed jumper. On the other end, Jordan hits a hook shot inside, but Portland is controlling this one thus far. They're up 45-33.

2:32—Timeout on the floor as the Clips have cut the lead to nine. The balanced Blazers have five players with at least six points. Batum, Aldridge and Hickson have seven each, while Lillard and Matthews have six. Batum leads everyone with six assists.

2:20—Aldridge hit with his second foul in 15 seconds. Griffin sells it well, then hits one of two free throws to pull LA within eight points, 47-39. Before that happened, Crawford abused Matthews with a double-crossover and jumper, much to the chagrin of the Rose Garden crowd.

1:31—Speaking of, Griffin slams home a gif-worthy left-handed jam in transition and the Clips have gotten right back into this one. ~~Tune into SportsCenter later tonight~~ Click here to see that jam. Blazers lead 47-43.

0:23.3—Clippers take a timeout after Portland answers with four straight points. During the break, former Sonic and Oregon State star Gary Payton is shown on the big screen to a warm applause.

0:00—Another quarter ends with an ugly possession for Portland. Matthews again somehow ends up with it as time winds down but he can't manage a shot. But the Blazers lead 51-45 behind nine points from Aldridge.

The Blazers led by as many as 14, shooting just under 49% in the opening half. LA is shooting a cool 50%, with Griffin leading all scorers with 13 points.

THIRD QUARTER
11:49—Portland starts the ball and Batum lobs one to Hickson for a quick jam. LOBSLOBSLOBSLOBS!

11:10—No lob needed there. Griffin gets one in transition, goes behind his back to shed a charging Batum and slams it home two-handed. Monster dunk that bends the rim down the elementary-school height. Oohs and ahhs echo through the arena after Griffin gives another glimpse of his world-class athleticism.

9:23—Matthews with a 3-pointer from the left wing as the shot clock expires and Portland with a 6-0 run to go back up by double digits, 59-47.

8:02—Clippers come out of the timeout with a five-point run, but Batum answers with a looong 3-pointer from the left wing. Blazers back up by ten, 62-52.

5:23—Batum hits his third 3-pointer of the night and the crowd loves it. On the other end, Matthews with a steal and breakaway before Green grabs his jersey for a clear-path foul. That'll be two shots and the ball for Portland. Matthews hits them both, and it's 71-59.

4:43—Now it's Lillard with a 3-pointer, the ninth of the night for Portland. 74-61. Who needs lobs?

2:40—Bledsoe with a give-and-go lob to Crawford, who jams one home. SO. MANY. LOBS. After a Blazer miss, Aldridge tips a rebound into the Clipper's hoop (own goal!) to pull LA within nine.

1:01—Crawford with a rainbow 3-pointer from the left wing to pull the Clips within six points. They're not going away and you know Crawford would love to stick it to this crowd with one his infamous fourth-quarter runs.

0:00—The Blazers are 3 for 3 in terms of bad final possessions to close out quarters. This time the clock winds down while Price is dribbling and the crowd is a bit uneasy as the Clippers have hung tough to stay within a couple possessions. Portland leads 82-76 with five players in double-figures. Lillard and Matthews lead the way with 15 each, while Griffin leads all scorers with 22 points. Batum having another productive night—he has 13 points and 11 assists.

FOURTH QUARTER
10:46—Shot clock violation as Price throws up a desperation shot. Ninth turnover for Portland, still clinging to a six-point lead.

9:33—Hill pulls the Clippers within three points with his first 3-pointer of the season. Odom with the assist and it's nervous time for a crowd of 20,672 (which is the best crowd of the season for Portland).

8:54—The Blazers give the Clippers about 46 extra chances on a single possession and it culminates in a dunk-miss-rebound-tip-back for Barnes. Portland clings to an 84-83 lead, but the momentum is on LA's side. The Clippers have 12 offensive rebounds this half after just two in the first half.

8:19—Crawford hits a pair of free throws and the Clippers lead 85-84. They're on an 11-2 run.

7:44—Batum with his fourth 3-pointer of the night and Portland goes back up a pair. The Blazers have hit 10 from long range tonight, and that one was set up by pure hustle from Hickson.

5:56—Barnes cleans up a Griffin miss and the Clips are back on top, 90-89. The Blazers' defensive rebounding has disappeared and LA is taking full advantage during this physical fourth quarter.

4:46—Clippers are showing why they're tops in the division. After Griffin reads a lob attempt from Batum on one end, Crawford hits a floater in the lane to put LA up 94-89.

4:13—Crawford is abusing Matthews tonight, that's no easy task against a defender of Wes' caliber. Crawford is fouled on the way to the hoop and hits a pair of FTs. Clippers are on a 12-0 run and they lead 96-89. Once up 14 in the third, the Blazers may be letting this one slip away.

3:17—Crawford with another dagger. He has 19 on the night, 11 this quarter and the Clippers lead by seven. Blazers are 2 of 11 from the field this quarter. That's not going to get it done.

2:19—Lamar Kardashian with an uncontested dunk, which wakes up Lillard. He hits a 3-pointer to pull Portland within two possessions. Clips lead 100-94.

1:36—Blazers with a bit of a disorganized possession, but it ends well enough as Aldridge finds Hickson under the hoop for a two-handed dunk. Clippers up four.

1:09—Crawford finally misses and that spurs the Blazers into transition. Batum gets it ahead to Matthews, who goes to the hole for the bucket +1. He converts the FT and it's an 8-0 for Portland. Clips lead 100-99.

0:45.2—Loose ball foul on Griffin and Hickson will go straight to the line. Hickson hits both and Portland leads 101-100. Clutch free throws from the hustling big man and the Blazers seize the lead.

0:23.7—After a huge steal by Batum, the Blazers bring it down poised to build on their lead. Batum drives and instead of going to the hoop, he tries to dish to Lillard in the corner. It sails past the rookie and that's an ill-timed turnover for Portland. LA ball. Blazers lead by one.

0:12.4—Crawford to the hoop and misses the circus layup. Scramble for the ball and Crawford and Batum will jump for it.

0:00—Clippers win the tip and get it to Crawford. He dances around in front of Matthews and pulls up to take a jumper for the win...but it clangs off the iron. Batum grabs the board as time expires. GAME OVER, BLAZERS WIN!

The Blazers hang on for a 101-100 victory after nearly blowing a 14-point second half lead. What a finish for Portland, which hands LA its fourth straight defeat. Five Blazers in double figures, led by Batum and Lillard with 20 points each. In fact, Batum has a triple-double, adding 12 assists and 10 rebounds. Matthews adds 18 points, Hickson has 15 and Aldridge chips in 12.

Griffin with a virtuoso performance, scoring 24 points, grabbing eight rebounds, dishing eight assists and finishing with four steals. Crawford adds 19 points—11 in the final frame—while Barnes and Bledsoe chip in 11 each. Did ya like this matchup? Well, friend, you don't have to wait long for the next one: Both these teams head to Los Angeles for a 6:30 p.m. tip tomorrow night. The Blazers return home on Tuesday, when they host Dallas.

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Roller Derby Recap: Season 8 Opener

Courtney Ferguson — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 13:59:49 -0800

Want a bite-sized tidbit? Jump to 1:13:57 for the last couple of jams to see when the tide definitively turns in GNR's favor.

Surprises abounded at last weekend's Rose City Rollers' Season 8 Opener at the Memorial Coliseum—there were unexpected winners, losers, and some cray-cray afterparty dancers. In what looked like was going to be the roller-derby version of a slam dunk for the Heartless Heathers, saw them instead get the ol' Scald Eagle last-minute mega-jamming treatment, which led to a narrow loss to the Guns N Rollers. FINAL: Guns N Rollers 186, Heartless Heathers 152. It was a hell of a game what with Heathers blocker French Tickler meeting the penalty max and being ejected from the track, Amazon-esque Scald getting into some hard-hitting dust-ups with Heathers blocker the Blast Unicorn, a (tough) lanky lass, and Heathers jammer Slay Miserables juking for her life. The Heathers were playing great, looking far more cohesive as a team than last season—blocker Tatty Munster was on fire, and Mel Mangles, who's known for her bombastic blocking skated as jammer 11 times. But it wasn't enough vim to hold off the warmed-up play of GNR—who handily won last season's two bouts against the Heathers—with Roarshock Tess, FranknHurter, and Scarlene keeping defenses airtight, while Scald and Ivana Thrasher racked up points. It sure didn't hurt that GNR had minimal penalties in the second half. They finished strong.

Hit the jump for a recap and video of the High Rollers vs. Break Neck Betties game—another fantastic bit of play.

The highly anticipated game between last year's champs, the Break Neck Betties, and the want-it-so-bad High Rollers kicked off with a steadily growing lead by the gals in green on the Rollers. They kept the lead heading toward halftime, padding it out with great jamming by Napoleon Blownapart and Feliz Brutality. But aggressive play by the Betties' Licker N Split and high-scoring jams saw the score get neck-n-neck by halftime, with a power jam by the Betties' Mutch Mahem finally prying the lead from the High Rollers. Halftime: Betties 85, High Rollers 81. It looked like the Betties were going to keep that lead, but then Napoleon hammered nails into that dream with a 35-point power jam. Yowza. Couple that with some crucial penalties by the Betties and Megahurtz getting ejected for a flagrant forearm penalty, and it just wasn't enough for the the 2012 champs. Plus the High Rollers' defenses were on point with Texine, Penny Dreadful, and Skeeve Holt hitting and blocking like brick houses. FINAL: High Rollers 212, Break Neck Betties 156.

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Stupid, Stupid Puppies: Wake UP, You Stupid Puppy Bowl Puppies!!

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 10:14:55 -0800

HEY! HEEEEEYYYY!!! Stupid Puppy Bowl puppies! Shouldn't you be doing something? You know, other than sleeping or perhaps just waking up long enough to momentarily chew on another puppy's ear before falling back asleep? Like... oh, I don't know... practicing for the PUPPY BOWL (Sunday, Feb 3, 3 pm)?? It's just a little over a week away, you goddamn puppy idiots!! Who's coaching this goddamn team??? WAKE UP THESE FUCKING STUPID, STUPID PUPPIES, or I'm going to be forced to watch and scream at this livestream of stupid fucking Puppy Bowl puppies all stupid fucking day!!!

Live broadcast by Ustream

WAKE UP, YOU STUPID PUPPY BOWL PUPPIES!!!

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