TV: Blogtown, PDX, Portland Mercury

Meet Your New Local Representative on Ink Master, Josh Hibbard

Marjorie Skinner — Mon, 17 Jun 2013 15:29:00 -0700

I've never actually seen Ink Master but it seems like it's just like Project Runway except with tattoos and jail and douchebags. Sign me up!

Ink Master

(Why such a horrified look on at 00:40??? What does that dude think is gonna happen??? And oh my god Dave Navarro... LOL.)

This season (which makes its illustrious premiere on July 16 at 10 pm on Spike) is special, because it features a Portland competitor, Joshua Hibbard, from your friendly neighborhood No Hope No Fear Tattoo Art Studio. He got almost no face time in the preview clip, not that that's necessarily a bad thing, considering. Make us proud, Josh! Viewing party, anybody? Guys?

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

What About Bob? Your Mad Men Recap

Jacob Schraer — Mon, 17 Jun 2013 10:59:16 -0700

Ok Mad Men, I know this show is all about subverting expectations and everything, but what the hell? That episode was all anticlimax. Which is not to say it wasn't enjoyable. More below.

KENNY GETS SHOT; PETE TAKES ON BOB. Last week, chronic liar Matt Weiner claimed that, despite popular theories, no one is going to die this season. And then this episode opens with "Kenny" getting shot in the face, causing heart attacks and South Park flashbacks across the nation. Kenny survives, sporting a stylish eye patch, but decides to give up the Chevy account.

Pete sees an opportunity for advancement, but Bob is in his way. This leads to some petty maneuvering on both their parts, culminating in Duck sniffing out the truth about Bob. In spite of involved, lucid blog posts discussing his character, Bob turns out to be a GDD, a Gay Don Draper who came from nowhere, built himself a personality, and practically sneaked his way in SCDP. In another call back to Mad Men's history, Pete confronts Bob with his discovery, but unlike in Season 1, Pete offers a reprieve. "Stay out of my way, and I'll stay out of yours," basically.

This makes sense for Pete. Bob bared his fangs at Pete early in the episode, and it was scary! After eight years of withering resentment from Don, maybe Pete realizes the value of having a young climber in his debt. Staying out of Bob's way was his best option with the way BB had already infiltrated his life. Pete didn't even remember hiring him.

SALLY GOES TO BOARDING SCHOOL. Thoroughly disillusioned with both parents, Sally decides to seek her independence at boarding school, following the example of her mother. She's apparently avoided her father's house since discovering his infidelity. But boarding school brings a fresh challenge in the shape of two terrifying girls trying to haze Sally.

So who comes to the rescue? Gentlemen Glen! Been waiting for that guy to show up. He still makes people's skin crawl who can't forget his creepiness from early seasons, but Glen is doing all he can to shake that image, even beating up his buddy who gets too fresh with Sally. Sally clearly enjoys this development, and might start changing into a deft manipulator like her parents.

PEGGY AND TED ARE IN LOVE. It's super gross and everyone who spends more than a minute with them can see it. Her Rosemary's Baby commercial idea wasn't even that great, but Ted was willing to jeopardize a client relationship for it. Don's power play to cut it short was indeed monstrous, a great bit of boardroom drama. He continues to alienate every woman in his life, his former friend now calling him a monster to his face.

Don exhibited that one thing that makes him vaguely likable, awareness that he has totally fucked up his life. No sympathy for him, just a distant, muted approval of his self-loathing. Still, he can't bring himself to even act like a husband to Megan who tries harder and harder to show him he is loved.

Maybe that was the point of those flashbacks. Don believes he's sick, he knows he's a monster, and even though he wants the love Megan offers, he can't accept it without hating himself even more.

FUN STUFF:

—I really want to hear the story of Roger cupping Lee Garner Jr's balls. Pitch idea: Mad Men: The Early Years.

—Joan's "Jewish lady" impression was funny.

—This season continues to reference past seasons. What other call backs are left? I would think some sort of variation on Betty leaving Don, which would be Megan leaving Don, one can only hope. Another Nixon election episode might be fun. Season 1's "Nixon vs. Kennedy" is one of the greatest episodes in the show's history. And of course there's an affair blowing up in Don's face, a la Season 2. Of course, we might have already seen the ultimate consequence of his affair with the Sally incident.

—So next week should be a happening season finale! There's a lot to tie up. Joan's account, Bob's insanity, Peggy and Ted, Megan and Don, Sylvia and Arnie, orange juice vs. cranberry juice... It's all very complicated.

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Good Morning, Television!

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Mon, 17 Jun 2013 10:29:33 -0700

TV NEWS... and some questions!

Dave Chappelle is going on tour! Is the fact that he won't be performing in Portland, a real fucking bummer?

Did Charlie Sheen fire Anger Management co-star Selma Blair? Do you remember who Selma Blair is?

In a revelation that will shock you to your very core, Community guru Dan Harmon watched season four... AND DID NOT LIKE IT VERY MUCH. Is this a reason to like Dan Harmon more or less?

ABC Family officially picks up Girl Meets World—the Boy Meets World spinoff! Is this a reason to rejoice, or a reason to contemplate your mortality?

Pics show TV chef Nigella Lawson being strangled by her husband, who says they are "not as bad as they appear," and calls it a "playful tiff." Do you think wrapping your hands around someone's throat is a good way of (as he put it) "emphasizing a point"?

Netflix is teaming up with Dreamworks to produce some new original kids programming. Will they hopefully do a House of Cards cartoon, please?

Curb Your Enthusiasm's Jeff Garlin was arrested for smashing the windows of a Mercedes during a parking spot dispute. Two part question: a) Does this incident allow the press to suggest that Jeff "curb his own enthusiam," and b) doesn't smashing the windows of a dick in a Mercedes sound like the greatest?

After Jimmy Fallon asks Olive Garden if he can use their old slogan, "When You're Here, You're Family," Olive Garden says, "Mmmm... okay!" Is this the nicest thing Olive Garden has ever or will ever do?

Mad Men's Matthew Weiner ruins everybody's fun by saying "No one's going to die this season." Why does this information make me so unhappy?

And finally, Dean Cain learns there's a new Superman movie... and really wants to be in it! Question: Do you want to tell him, or shall I?

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Portlandia Enlists James Carville to Win Emmy

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Thu, 13 Jun 2013 14:44:44 -0700

Political campaign strategist James Carville does his crazy bald person bit to help Portlandia win an Emmy it doesn't deserve. But! It is pretty amusing.

Smart ass response #1: Where was Carville when we were trying to pass fluoride? (Where was anybody when we were trying to pass fluoride?)

Smart ass response #2: Can IFC please remember they have a much better show than Portlandia could ever be? It's called Comedy Bang Bang—IFC should check it out sometime.

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Danny McBride Pisses All Over Portland (Real World)

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Thu, 13 Jun 2013 13:29:34 -0700

This is the End opens this Friday in a cinematheque near you—and you can read my review of it right here! And before we get to the video of Danny McBride pissing all over the Portland Real World walls, I'd like to add a couple of notes about the film that I didn't have room for in the print edition:

1) Danny McBride's character should've been played by Michael Cera. I describe how Michael gets the ever-loving shit slapped out of him by Rihanna in the movie—which is one of its greatest scenes—but his grotesque character out-grotesques Danny's character, which is why he should've been given the meatier role. And it would have been 38 percent more funny.

2) I'm kinda tired of bro movies. Don't get me wrong, This is the End is a great bro movie, and very funny nearly all the way through. But when only two women are featured and in very tiny roles, and one of those sequences revolves around an argument of who is NOT going to rape her... well, do you see what I'm driving at? Enough bro movies for awhile, Hollywood.

Otherwise, read my review for more details and then go see it. As one theater-goer said after the movie, "If this movie doesn't get 100% on Rotten Tomatoes, I'm going to kill myself." He REALLY liked it.

Okay. Check out this cross-promotional video of the Real World: Portland and This is the End in which Seth Rogan, Jay Baruchel, James Franco, Danny McBride and two Real World: Portland mannequins share a house together and get real. It's funny, but VERY NSFW. Headphones up!

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

What Is It About Bob? Mad Men Extra Credit Reading

Jacob Schraer — Thu, 13 Jun 2013 10:44:52 -0700

SPOILERS BELOW. If you do not watch Mad Men in a timely fashion, please scroll past this post with your eyes shut tight while humming the Satanic Seinfeld theme.

Fashion bloggers Tom and Lorenzo stand out in the crowded field of obsessive Mad Men recappers because of their superlatively great Mad Style posts. Every week they analyze what Janie Bryant's costuming says about the characters, scenes, and themes of the episode.

Earlier this month they predicted a pivotal plot point that came up last episode. They recognized mysterious Bob Benson as possibly being gay. Just weeks later, Bob makes a subtle but unmistakeable pass at Pete Campbell. And yet, wild theories about Bob still abound, and distrust is rampant. People are convinced that Bob is either a) faking, b) making a very counter intuitive power play, or c) THE DEVIL INCARNATE. Etc.

In response, Tom and Lorenzo took this week's Mad Style post to write an extensive study of Bob's character so far, and the results are wonderful. Their basic premise:

[Bob]'s an upper-middle class over-achiever from a family of them but he’s more than likely estranged from them because he’s gay, which partially explains why he doesn’t work for the family firm and also explains why he can be so flexible about whether his father is alive or not. Like a lot of gay men, he is fascinated by people who work in a creative field, even if he’s not creative himself. Like a lot of well-closeted gay men, he is a smooth liar from years of experience; very good at fooling the eye with distractions and cover stories.

T&L imagine Bob in the burgeoning, pre-Stonewall gay culture of New York City. Forget the lies, forget the shorts (as if you could), if they're right about Bob then they have his character nailed. Their fascinating portrait of gay life in the late 60's takes in the styles and literature of the time, including the great play "The Boys in the Band," running here in town through June 22nd. They also compare Bob to the long suffering Sal and examine Mad Men's depiction of what it meant to be gay in a time when homosexuals could be "jailed, institutionalized, subjected to electro-shock therapy and even chemically castrated."

Read it! It's great.

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Dave Grohl on How to Become Nirvana

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Wed, 12 Jun 2013 14:29:06 -0700

So I'm thinking about becoming a musician... like professionally! So obviously the first thing I'm going to do is audition for maybe American Idol or The Voice. Right, Dave Grohl (formerly of Nirvana)? AM I RIGHT, DAVE GROHL (FORMERLY OF NIRVANA)?

From an interview with Sky mag. Above image courtesy Sports Hernia.

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

The Seinfeld Theme Is the Stuff of Nightmares

Ned Lannamann — Wed, 12 Jun 2013 11:59:28 -0700

The Seinfeld theme has long been the stuff of nightmares—terrible fake slap bass, cheesy synthesizers, and a grotesque rhythm based on the sound of mouth popping. (I blame Bobby McFerrin.) But here it is slowed down 1,200 percent... AND IT IS TERRIFYING. Lend your ear to the black sonic abyss of this horror, and never be the same again.

Via.

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

IFC Renews Portlandia for Two More Seasons

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Wed, 12 Jun 2013 10:44:00 -0700

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Ain't No Party, Like a Perfect Sushi Roll Party

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Tue, 11 Jun 2013 14:44:38 -0700

Behold the commercial for the Leifheit "Perfect Roll"—a great way to make perfect sushi every time and host the WEIRDEST, CRACKED-OUT PARTY EVER ATTENDED. Make sure you play this exact music, or else the party's ruined.

via

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Snuggling Bunnies Commercial: Maybe It's Cute... I Dunno

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Tue, 11 Jun 2013 10:14:37 -0700

AdWeek calls the new Ibis Hotel "Snuggling Bunnies" spot "the year's most shamelessly adorable commercial." BUT IS IT REALLY? Yes, you have baby bunnies cuddling together on an impossibly soft bed... but I sincerely can't tell if it's "cute." Years of incessantly mean internet comments have sucked every last "feeling" from my dried husk of heart (thanks for that, by the way)—so now I need other people to tell me when something is actually adorable or not. To me, it just looks like dinner.

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

It's Official: Harmon's Back on Community

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Mon, 10 Jun 2013 14:59:52 -0700

As suspected, Dan Harmon is officially returning to Community to helm its sixth season. From EW:

The creator of NBC’s community college-set comedy has officially signed on to return as executive producer/showrunner for season 5, the show’s studio, Sony TV, confirmed Monday. The news doesn’t come as much of a surprise, since more than a week ago, Harmon confirmed on Twitter that he was in the process of rejoining the show. But the original reports did shock fans, as Harmon was dismissed a year ago after clashing with the studio and network (and star Chevy Chase).

We now return you to wondering if you actually give a shit anymore or not.

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Mad Men Recap: Mad Favors

Jacob Schraer — Mon, 10 Jun 2013 13:28:56 -0700

A quietly eventful episode of Mad Men this week. (Except for that one part, wow.) I've enjoyed this season in spots, defended it, but the second half has been far superior to the beginning. Last night's chain of events offered some insight into what we've been watching all spring.

More stuff below.

So, Wow! Wow, wow. Holy shit. Don's interminable bullshit caught up to him in a big way. The episode really set me up, thinking Don was acting out of nobility as he maneuvered and found a way for Sylvia and Arnie's son to avoid Vietnam. Even during the conciliatory phone conversation between him and Sylvia, I was thinking, "Don is being so mature about this whole thing. Good for him." BUT NOOOOOO. Newp. (It is possible that I'm too gullible to be reviewing television.) So Don finds himself back in the Rosen apartment, where he is discovered by his daughter.

First of all, Mitchell is like 19, a little out of Sally's range. And what the hell is wrong with Sally's friend? Taking her mash note and slipping it under the Rosens' door? That is not cool. No matter though, the writers got Sally into that apartment using basic human actions and emotions, so I'm gonna try to not be mad at them for creating a great character and then systematically ruining her life. I might blame them a little for laying it on thick during the dinner scene that followed, with Arnie and Mitchell and Megan basically telling Don he's the best guy in the world, forcing Sally to feel the hypocrisy that is her father's everyday life. When she stands up to scream, "YOU MAKE ME SICK!" Sally voices the opinion of the audience and Don loses his daughter. In spite of his feeble lies, he had ruined their relationship forever.

There's not a lot to analyze in this development. It was nicely orchestrated, thrilling even, but the themes of Mad Men are rote by now, right there on screen. Don's hypocrisy and lack of self-control destroy his life and leave him alone.

Is it me or has the show become more complicated in service to simpler stories?

Let's talk about something nice. How about Pete Campbell? He always cheers me up. As usual his subplot was a comedy of increasingly uncomfortable errors, starting with his mother confusing Peggy with Trudy and referring to their "child," then confessing her late life discoverey of sexual fulfillment at the hands of her male nurse. (Yeesh.) Then there was a charming glimpse of Pete and Peggy actually acting like friends for once, opening up to each other. Pete can intuit the admiration/sexual tension between her and Ted, Peggy lets a disturbed Pete know about his mother's...activities.

Ha! Pete confronting his mother was terrible. It started funny, then turns sad when she calls him "a sour little man" who is "unlovable." She's right, but poor Peter.

All that action was just a simmering set up to the BIG MOMENT. I can't take credit for calling Bob Benson as gay; it was suggested to me by friends and other bloggers. I just thought it fit the best. And it did. In the weekly "Inside Mad Men" video, Matt Weiner plays the scene down and suggests that Bob isn't necessarily gay, just really into Pete. BULLSHIT. The idea that Bob is just some dude in love with Pete is even more unbelievable his being an adorable gay dude in love with Pete! Bob's subtle advances are rejected. This might not end up so good for him. The preview for next week saw Pete polishing ~~Chekov's~~ his gun, introduced back in Season 1. That thing's gotta go off sometime.

That leaves Ted and Peggy. Ted who demonstrates that in spite of his similarities with Don, he really is more stable, responding to his wife's admonitions by making an effort at home. Responding to Don's constant brush offs with a sincere offer of help and reconciliation. Hooray for Ted.

Peggy is still living in her handsome apartment on the upper west side sans Abe. A bloodied rat in her apartment causes her to wake Stan who grumpily replies, "I'm not your boyfriend." She even tries to bribe him with sex but he knows that won't happen. In the end, Peggy finally takes her mom's advice and gets a cat, pictured above.

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Game of Thrones Recap: Mopping Up the Mess Edition

Joe Streckert — Mon, 10 Jun 2013 11:29:35 -0700

Game of Throne's big, bloody climax was last week. Last night's season finale mopped up the mess, and assured viewers that yes, there will be consequences. The war may be over, but the conflict isn't.

Spoilers ahoy, after the jump.

Robb Stark is still dead. “I hope they don’t show the gross, disturbing thing,” said one of my viewing companions, “what they do to Robb.” Soon, though, we heard various Freys chanting “The King in the North, the King in the North!” and we saw it: Robb Stark’s dead, headless body with his direwolf’s head swaying on top of it. It’s one of the more disturbing images from the series, and drives home the point that the Freys and Boltons didn’t just carry out the Red Wedding as part of a cold, calculated political scheme; they enjoyed it. They were having so much fun at their murder that they decided to mutilate some corpses, do some improvised taxidermy, and parade around with a dead body. It’s also disturbing for viewers/readers because in a lot of fiction you don’t see the corpse, and if you don’t see a corpse, there’s hope, albeit slight, for a possible return of the character. Game of Thrones says “fuck hope” and thrusts your face right in to the reality of the situation: Robb’s dead, and so is his puppy. The Starks have lost the War of Five Kings.

The Kissinger of Westeros Tywin Lannister, meanwhile, is dispassionate and cold in all the ways Walder Frey isn’t. Tywin understands power, where it comes from, and how to use it. When Joffrey makes a scene at the Small Council, Tywin puts him in his place and sends him to bed. “You just sent the most powerful man in Westeros to bed without supper,” says Tyrion. “He’s not the most powerful man in Westeros,” says Tywin. And he’s right- wearing a shiny hat on your head doesn’t make you powerful. One of the biggest themes of the series is that being a king in name and being a ruler in fact are two very different things, and Tywin understands that very well. “Anyman who must say ‘I am the king,’” he reminds his abulatory shit of a grandson, “is no true king.”

Tywin’s understanding of power, though, is precisely what makes him such a cold, nasty bastard. He tries to address Tyrion’s misgivings about the Red Wedding with: “Explain to me why it is more noble to slaughter ten thousand men on the battlefield than a dozen at dinner?” Tywin is kind of like Westeros’ Henry Kissinger. He’s good at what he does, is willing to ally with horrible people when it suits him, and doesn’t give a flying rat’s ass about the rules of war or politics.

Also he essentially told Tyrion to rape Sansa. That is probably the last thing anyone wants to hear from their dad. Gross.

Theon and Varys have something in common now. I fucking hate the Theon scenes from this season. It’s like we’ve all been an unwilling observer to someone else’s extended S&M session. Balon Greyjoy and AshaNoWaitIMeanYara received a package. Theon’s! Yes, Ramsay Bolton thought it would be a good idea to taunt the batshit insane Cthulhu Vikings be sending them a dick in the mail. Balon Greyjoy doesn’t give a shit about Theon (right there with you, dude) but AshaInTheBookAndYaraOnTV actually seems to like her little turd of a brother is ready to bust out her bro from Ramsay’s House of You Don’t Have a Cock Now. Go Yarasha! Gather your finest axe guys and rescue your sibling you barely know!

Also, Theon’s name is ~~Toby~~ Reek now.

Arya and Hound: Frey Hunters In a touching little display of violence, Arya and the Hound teamed up to kill people. Arya, overhearing some Freys talking shit about Robb, decided that their bodies would be a good place for a knife. She approached they Freys, pretended to be a helpless little girl, and then stabbed the everliving fuck out of them. The Hound, for his part, saw that Arya was in over her head, given that there were three other dudes to deal with. He swept on in and hacked the fuck out of them. After it was over, Sandor and Arya had something of a moment. They bonded. She’s not really his captive anymore- they’re travelling companions. A team. A team that puts blades inside of people.

I want to see a show that’s just Arya and the Hound riding around Westeros and killing bad people. She’s a stab-happy kind with a pair of dead parents! He’s a rogue member of the Kingsguard who plays by his own rules! Together, they fight crime.

Meanwhile, in the boring part of Westeros… Jon Snow had something of a bad breakup with his girlfriend. Ygritte already figured out that he hadn’t really switched loyalties, that he was still a member of the Night’s Watch, and yet she arrowed him anyway. Three times. Um, okay. I think she’s taking it a little badly. Jon seemed alright, though. Definitely in better shape than Robb after taking a few arrows.

Bran met up with Sam, and it was a little odd seeing two parts of the show converge. The sets of characters spend so much time in isolation from one another, that it can be jarring to see two storylines actually intersect. Bran is on his way North of the Wall now, to find, I dunno, magic or something. I’ve read all the way through A Dance With Dragons and I’m still not sure what the exact fuck is up with that place. We also got the story of the Rat Cook, a fairy tale about how the gods punished a man who killed guests under his roof. Violating the laws of hospitality in Westeros is a big no-no, and the series has made it clear that the Freys will face major consequences for the Red Wedding.

Hi Mom! Daenerys Targaryen, fresh off her victory from last week, has another city now. Dany announced to the various former slaves of Yunkai that they were free, and they immediately started calling her Mhysa, which means mother in Made Up Fantasy Language. The season ended showing that Dany has quite a bit going for her: An army, dragons, and an adoring public. She might have a famous last name, but she's solidly earned every bit of her power.

So, um, did anyone else think it was a little weird to have a bunch of dusky brown people reaching out to the blonde white lady and proclaiming her their savior? Dany’s crusade to free slaves and whatnot is admirable, sure, but that scene seemed to say “Hooray! The nice white lady saved us!” Kinda got a weird vibe. Was anyone else made ever so slightly uncomfortable?

Next season promises to have a lot of goodness. Joffrey’s wedding! The Red Viper! More Tyrells! After that, though, the future of the show gets a little dicey. With another season gone, we’re a little closer to the place where the storyline gets all flimsy and undefined, what with the books not being done yet. Like everyone else in Ice and Fire fandom, I'm hoping that Martin sits his ass down, gets hugely inspired, and pulls it out at the last minute to finish the series.

That probably won't happen. In the meantime, I'll be dealing with my dealing with my anticipation by playing the Game of Thrones board game.

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

NBC's Siberia: Hunger Games for People You Hate

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Mon, 10 Jun 2013 10:14:29 -0700

NBC tips its hat to The Hunger Games, Blair Witch Project, and Lost all at once with this new summer series debuting July 1 called Siberia. It's about a fictional reality show where 16 contestants are dropped into haunted Siberia—didn't know Siberia was haunted? Well apparently... it is! And they quickly figure out that weeeeeird shit is going down, and they've been left completely alone by the show's producers. In the producers' defense, there was some coke that needed to be snorted off a prostitute's bottom. Check out this trailer for... SIBERIA!

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Walking Dead Zombie Arrested in Obama Ricin Case

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Fri, 07 Jun 2013 13:44:23 -0700

A woman has been arrested in connection with the letters containing Ricin that were mailed to President Obama and NYC Mayor Bloomberg on Wednesday, May 29—aaaaaand you've probably seen her on TV!

Shannon Rogers Guess Richardson of New Boston, Texas, originally called the Federal Bureau of Investigation claiming that her husband had sent the letters, officials said. The investigators found that she had sent the letters herself, they said.

Richardson is an actress with minor roles on television shows like The Walking Dead and the Vampire Diaries, and was arrested in Arkansas on charges that will be filed Friday afternoon, the authorities said.

Oh, and here's what one of the letters said:

“You will have to kill me and my family before you get my guns,” the message sent to Bloomberg read, according to NBC New York, which obtained a copy of the letter. “Anyone who wants to come to my house will get shot in the face. The right to bear arms is my constitutional God given right and I will exercise that right till the day I die.”

OH! And fun fact: According to her IMDB page, she also played a "crazed customer" in an American Deli commercial. HUH. THAT'S WEIRD.

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

The Greatest Event in Television History... AGAIN!

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Fri, 07 Jun 2013 10:14:40 -0700

I warned you this was coming... so did you stay up late to watch The Greatest Event in Television History 2—the much anticipated sequel to the first Greatest Event in Television History in which Parks & Rec's Adam Scott teamed up with Jon Hamm to do an exact shot-for-shot recreation of the Simon & Simon opening credits? Well if you missed it, I'm supplying the latest edition below—this time around Adam and Parks cohort Amy Poehler recreate the opening theme of the '80s romantic detective show Hart to Hart (starring Robert Wagner and Stefanie Powers) AND OMG IT'S SO GOOD. True to its name it is definitely The Greatest Event in Television History... 2!

via

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

New Netflix Series A-Comin'!: Orange is the New Black

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Thu, 06 Jun 2013 10:44:50 -0700

Here's a trailer for the newest Netflix exclusive joint dropping on July 11 called Orange is the New Black, starring Taylor Schilling, Jason Biggs, Natasha Lyonne, Kate Mulgrew and Taryn Manning. THE PLOT: Fancy straight honky lady gets sent to prison for helping her former lesbian lover smuggle drugs ten years ago—and fish out of water antics ensue! Actually this looks like it could be REALLY good. Watch and let me know what YOU think!

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Today's News About the Rock (Wednesday, June 5, 2013 Edition)

Erik Henriksen — Wed, 05 Jun 2013 16:59:00 -0700

First, do you know how amazing the Rock is?

For the past 15 weekends—yes, since Feb. 22—the Rock has had at least one movie in the Top 10 at the U.S. box office. And considering audiences’ enduring love of the Fast franchise, he’s got a few more weekends left before that streak ends, too. (Via.)

Second, do you know how inspirational the Rock is? Here's what he just tweeted about having at least one movie in the top 10 for the past 15 weeks:

Third, do you know that the Rock's reality show starts tomorrow night on TNT? And that the first five minutes of it are already online? I just watched them! On the downside, I do not like a single one of the contestants. On the upside, sometimes those contestants get tear gassed! So all in all, I'd say this show looks like it's going to be pret-ty good.

"I'm gonna go get tear gassed now, kids. I love you."

This has been "Today's News About the Rock" for Wednesday, June 5, 2013.

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

New It's Always Sunny Promos... Or Swedish Art Films? YOU BE THE JUDGE!

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Wed, 05 Jun 2013 13:29:31 -0700

Hat tips to Variety for bringing us three new season 9 It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia promos—each parodying Swedish art films. Funny stuff! And fuck YOU, Swedish art films! HAR! HAR! HAR!

TWO MORE AFTER THE JUMP!!

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Arrested Development Mystery # 3,491: Portia's Face

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Tue, 04 Jun 2013 10:14:00 -0700

Here's one for the Blogtown Crime Cracker Club! Obviously everyone who has been watching the new season of Arrested Development has noticed something... ummm... different(?) about Lindsay's (Portia de Rossi) face.

CLUE ONE: Before and After Pics!

BUT CLUE TWO: This!

According to E! Online. "She's absolutely not had plastic surgery," a source tells the site. "Her character is clearly wearing a wig, which ended up altering her entire look."

AND CLUE THREE: This!

TV Guide Magazine: There has been a lot of speculation over whether Portia de Rossi changed her looks, is that why there are more playful digs at Lindsay's appearance?

Creator Mitch Hurwitz: I've read a couple things that people thought she looked different. It's been 10 years since the pilot, and I think she's a vegan now and that really changes your whole body type. But it was absolutely not meant to be a joke at Portia's expense. It was at Lindsay's expense. She doesn't look different to me.

DO YOU SMELL PHONEY BALONEY? Or is this a deep Arrested Development gag that's fucking with our minds?

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Forensic Expert in O.J. Simpson Case Calls Game of Thrones "Unrealistic"

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Mon, 03 Jun 2013 14:29:57 -0700

Everybody's talking about last night's very bloody episode of Game of Thrones—particularly the last scene. (Check out our recap here.) HOWEVER! An expert witness in the O.J. Simpson trial, forensic pathologist Dr. Michael Baden, tells TMZ that it was a bunch of BAAAAA-LONEY!

"Blood doesn't come out like that."

"If cut deep enough, the right and left carotid artery will spurt a few feet, just like a hose... not this broad blood-flowing out like a waterfall from the whole neck."

He adds, "There would have been squirting from the right or left carotid artery, carotid arteries spurt.”

Baden also says ... the victims wouldn't have died so quickly ... because death from a throat slashing, "takes much longer than that."

Got it. Thanks again for ruining everything, Science! (Read the whole thing here.)

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Mad Men's California Vacation

Jacob Schraer — Mon, 03 Jun 2013 13:44:17 -0700

Was last night the best night of television ever? Between GoT, Mad Men, and Venture Brothers, it was an emotional evening. And while I'm a little jealous of all the Game of Thrones recappers today, I'm going to set aside professional envy and summarize a TV show YES.

"A Tale of Two Cities" was a solid B, maybe B+ episode of Mad Men. It threw characters out of their comfort zones, contrasted people and places, and deepened some growing conflicts. The season's really been coming together since the amphetamine fueled antics of "The Crash."

The Bros: Roger and Don fly to California for a meeting with Carnation. Harry drives them around in a red convertible and takes them to a party steeped in the California hippie culture of 1968. All the while Don and Roger are probably thinking to themselves, "This is what we pay Harry to do?"

Roger predicts great things for them (relaxed client meetings, avoiding syphilis), but instead they get brow-beaten by some angry Carnation executives and then in over their heads at the party. Roger, rocking an awesome cravat, tries to bond with a chick over his acid experiences but ends up getting punked by Danny, the former SCDP copywriter, now a movie producer. I know he won an Emmy and everything but I'm just glad Danny Strong is getting some work. And another thing, are they going to bring back every former character at some point except for Sal? Matt Weiner hates us.

While Roger spars with Danny, Don gets mellow with some hashish, chats with a phantom Megan and the soldier he met in the season premiere, and ends up face down in a pool. Roger has to revive him. It's a sobering moment, an indication of Don's inability to get it together in spite of his efforts, and a disturbing suicidal gesture that recalls his Hawaii ad. It is also a gesture towards all the doom and gloom that people have been predicting this season.

Watching Roger and Don pick their way through the Hollywood types gave me heavy flashbacks to Annie Hall.

The Ladies: Back in New York, Joan has dinner with a man from Avon, thinking she's on a date. She quickly realizes instead it's a potential client. When she takes the business to Ted, with Peggy's encouragement, he kicks the account to Pete. Eager to play a more essential role in the firm, Joan squeezes Pete out of the meeting and goes herself.

Everything goes fairly well but Joan gets chewed out by basically everyone. Peggy, Pete, and Ted all take her to task for risking the account. A neat trick from Peggy takes the heat off, but the account's status is left hanging in the end.

Joan, so capable in her element, flounders at something new and untried. As much as he sucks, Pete is right to be angry. Joan risked a large account on her pride. But what I loved was seeing Joan and Peggy dealing with each other. The years of history between these characters really comes through in their scenes together.

The Riff Raff: Ted Chaough. Jim Cutler. Bob Benson. Michael Ginsberg. The B-story involves a lot of maneuvering. Cutler gets into an argument with Ginsberg. Bob steps in. Cutler gives Bob a chance with an account. Ginsberg almost has a nervous breakdown. Bob almost loses the account. Cutler puts Bob on Chevy?

Whatever Cutler is up to, he is a shark. (A fox? A silver panther?) And Ted is his little conscience/enabler. Cutler doesn't think through consequences and he's naturally hostile. Everyone's been after Bob this season, but Cutler is the one to watch.

The History: The infamous 1968 Democratic National Convention brought protests and disgrace, exposing a political party in disarray over its identity and future. I perfer it when Mad Men uses important historical events to turn the story rather than to frame plots about office conflict, but at least it works.

The Dickpunch: Danny STRONG! Serious question, does Matt Weiner have a GIF consultant on staff?

The Resolution: A name is finally proposed: Sterling Cooper & Partners. It's simple and catchy but it leaves a lot of room to restructure the place. Pete ends the episode a sputtering Cassandra, predicting ruin that no one else sees. In an A+ sequence he marches into the copywriters room and steals a toke from "Mother Hen Stan." Cool out Campbell, you deserve it.

FUN STUFF:

Two Mad Men conspiracies that you probably did not miss if you follow the show.

Number 1: Bob Benson. He's evil! He's a liar. He's a spy. He's a government agent. He's Don's illegitimate child! Most likely though, is that he's queer. After the suggestive but ultimately innocuous scene in Joan's apartment last week, every straight blogger thought her and Bob were boning, and every gay blogger brought up the queer theory. In this episode the insightful Ginsberg asks him flat out, "Are you a homo?" Bob, fresh from an inspiration session with Dale Carnegie record, laughs it off.

Still it's a theory that makes the most sense and is the least crazy. I'm going with it.

Number 2: After Megan prominently appeared in the final scene of "The Better Half" wearing the same t-shirt that Sharon Tate wore in a risque photo shoot for Esquire, the entire blogging community flipped out. The next five days were spent talking themselves into, and then out of, the possibility of Megan being killed off.

I could see it happening. The foreshadowing of some terrible event has been constant. Whether it's an insanely jealous Dr. Rosen, a whacked out Don, or a random act of crime, Megan is definitely in the line of fire. There are also solid arguments against. Mad Men is adept at building expectations only to dash them. It's also happy to rake the characters over the coals. If they go through with it, I'm sure I'll have a lot to say.

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Live Pete & Pete Reunion Coming to Portland?? YESSS, THANK YOU I WILL.

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey — Mon, 03 Jun 2013 10:46:00 -0700

As oft mentioned in this platform, I love me some The Adventures of Pete & Pete—the classic Nick kids show from the mid-90s that Allmusic rightly calls "the greatest children's show ever." Don't believe them or me? Check out the clearly smarter Alison Hallett's take on the Pete & Pete zine and show HERE.

Now that you're convinced, get ready to SQUEEEEEE because PetesFest—the official Pete & Pete reunion is coming to the Hollywood Theatre on June 28 & 29. One, two, three… SQUEEEEEEEEEE! From the Hollywood's site:

PetesFest is an all-ages event, featuring two nights of Q&A, live music, and more, with Adventures of Pete & Pete creators Will McRobb and Chris Viscardi, and actors Michael C. Maronna (Big Pete), Danny Tamberelli (Little Pete), and Toby Huss (Artie); along with a Pete & Pete-themed art show, KrebScout merit badges, the re-release of Pete & Pete tribute zine Waiting for October, and much, much more.

OMG! Get advance tickets (before I buy them all up) for the June 28 & 29 show at 7:30 pm HERE (they're only $10 a pop). OR fork over $25 for a private reception with the gang! And get this: Any profits from Petesfest goes to homeless-youth mentorship program P:ear and the Hollywood Theater’s youth education initiatives. I LOVE THE PETES SOOOOOO MUCH!!!

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]

Game of Thrones Recap: Throwing the Book Across the Room Edition

Joe Streckert — Mon, 03 Jun 2013 10:29:00 -0700

If you haven’t read the books and the events of last night’s Game of Thrones were a surprise to you, then you’re probably experiencing all kinds of bad feel-feels right now. Anger. Confusion. Perplexment. It’s okay. I understand. Cry if you need to. Want to hit something? Hit this pillow. C’mere. Let’s hug it out. Shhhh. It’s okay. I’m going to explain to you why it’s all for the best, after the jump.

The first time I read through the Red Wedding, I had the same reaction as a lot of people. I was surprised, angry, and confused about what the fuck just happened. I briefly thought I had a reading comprehension problem, and had missed a few important details. I had to reread it to realize that Robb Stark was, in fact, dead. I didn't throw the book across the room, as some people say they do, but I did whine about it on the Internet on a forum I used to frequent. I’ve come around, though. When I read through the series a second time I realized that it all made sense, and that the Red Wedding is very probably the single best plot element in the series.

Imagine what the story would be like if Walder Frey's murder party never happened. Robb would slog on with his army, win battles, gain allies, and then ultimately become King in the North, or maybe even lord of all Westeros. All of his actions would simply be a pat conclusion to the first book. His arc would be little more than “boy gets army, avenges dad.” It would be utterly uninteresting because Robb is a flat, cipher of a character whose only real qualities are being generally honorable and Ned Stark’s son.

Sure, he seems like a protagonist: He’s a sword boy with a dead dad who’s taking on great odds. Go to the gold room at Powell’s, grab a random fantasy book off the shelf, and the protagonist will probably look and feel a lot like Robb. Game of Thrones, though, isn't a rote fantasy series. It's not about a chosen one protagonist or stark divides between good and evil. It's about messiness and shades of grey. No single faction is the "right" one, and no single person is the dedicated savior. Having Robb, a character who looks like a protagonist, die drives that point home.

The conventional fantasy storyline and worldview in direct conflict with Game of Thrones’ outlook. The series uses the trappings and conventions of fantasy, but the narrative seems to be a refutation of much of the genre. Most of the series seems preoccupied with showing that war is horrible, kings can be small and selfish, and that sometimes you have to play dirty to win. Nobility and selflessness are not automatically rewarded. All of that pushes against traditional fantasy. Game of Thrones is to its genre what Watchmen is to superhero comics: both a sterling example of its form, and a harsh criticism of it.

Getting to the specifics of the episode, I was surprised that Talisa died. In the books, Robb's wife is hidden away at Riverrun during the Red Wedding, leading to fan speculation that Robb will have an heir who could succeed him as King in the North. I guess that's out the window, though, at least in the show. Catelyn's end was suitably desperate and brutal, with her slicing open the throat of Walder Frey's latest trophy wife before having her neck turned into a blood sprinkler. I was watching the show with three people who've never read the books, and one of my friends was particularly disturbed when the Freys killed off Grey Wind. Yes, Walder Frey is a brutal and hateful dude. Not even cute puppies are safe from his wrath.

If you're still reeling, though, take heart. The Redd Wedding has myriad consequences. One does not slaughter people at a feast without repercussions, and I'm very much looking forward to how the show will handle the political fallout of the event. Walder Frey is a stab-happy bastard, and now everyone in Westeros knows it. That can't be good if you want to host future dinner parties.

A few other things also happened last night, but they were overshadowed by all of the murder and betrayal. We were reminded that Rickon Stark exists, for instance. Do you remember Rickon? No one does. Bran helpfully mentioned that “if anything happens… [he’s] the heir to Winterfell.” Thanks, Bran, for clearing that up for us. It’s great knowing that micro-Stark is still alive and well. Also, Bran mind warped Hodor and his direwolf. I guess that's pretty neat.

Danaerys continues to be on a roll, and has amassed a group of dudes that my viewing party referred to as Team Sexy Sword Bros. Jorah, Barristan, Grey Worm and Daario all took Yunkai in a fight scene that was so goofily choreographed I expected Errol Flynn to show up. Grey Worm twirls his spear around? Um, Okay. I wouldn't have minded the borderline silly fighting if it had been in a lighter episode, but here it seemed to clash pretty badly with the tone of events in Westeros. Team Beards and Cheekbones was victorious and Dany got herself another city.

Jon Snow had an abrupt falling out with the Wildlings simply because he wouldn't kill an old man in cold blood. Did anyone else think that was too quick and weird? Wouldn't anyone balk at straight-up swording an innocent human? I would, because I'm not a despicable person. That wasn't enough for Tormund Giantsbane, though, who declared that Jon Snow was a "crow." Fighting ensued, and Jon's on his own now slightly south of Castle Black. I guess he and Ygritte aren't going to get pantless in a hot tub again?

Sam and Gilly ran through some snow. Gilly seemed amazed at the idea of books and asked if Sam was a wizard. Reading is magic, ladies and gentlemen.

None of that is what people are talking about today, though. The only thing people are really going to remember about this episode is Robb Stark getting betrayed and killed by a creepy old man. That's what makes the series so good, though. The stakes are real. No one has plot armor. No one's a true protagonist, and characters really, honestly mean it when they say that when you play the game of thrones, you win or you die.

Update! Super commenter Graham sent me this brilliant compilation of people reacting to last night's episode. So much schadenfreude.

[ Subscribe to the comments on this story ]